Black woman

Black People Have Superpowers

February 12th, 2018 by Mike Coughlin



I think black people have superpowers. All of them. This will make sense, trust me.


It’s a piece all on its own, to be honest, but I have a thing about words. I’m fanatical in my belief that words have no meaning at all beyond what we ascribe to them. I shouldn’t even call it a belief, as it’s a fact. Hence why negro means something different in Spanish and English. And beyond that, I see no reason why words shouldn’t be used, so long as they’re in proper context.


The phrase “The N Word” is horseshit. You know what people are thinking, and so if one writes or speaks the word “nigger” in the proper context, that’s fine. Calling someone a nigger is horrible; telling someone, “Don’t call someone nigger” is not horrible. And there are all kinds of words like this, none which have the power of the aforementioned slur, but words for folks of all walks of life, nonetheless.


Sometimes, I don’t even know words are offensive. It’s common for white people to be called crackers. For the life of me, I assumed that was because crackers are, well, white and kinda bland. Then I heard someone say that it originates from the *crack* of the whip that slaves endured at the hands of slave-owners. I still don’t really care if someone calls me cracker, but that did put things into a new perspective.


I’ve done a lot of stupid things in my life, said some really horrible shit, and mostly it’s to get a reaction. I’m an immature dick like that. But as far as I can ever recall, no matter how drunk or whatever I get, I’ve never, ever called a black person “nigger.” I would say the word nigger in front of a black person, if it was in context, even if I suspected they’d be unhappy, because I’d feel confident that I was not doing so from a place of hate, and I’m not going to self-censor myself into pretending a word doesn’t exist. As if because I said “The N Word” he and I don’t know what word was spoken in my head. Please, save your applause for later, I know, I know, what a hero.


I’m sure I’ve said racist things, some intentional, some not. But I’ve grown over the years. (I’d rather admit that then flat out lie and pretend it never happened – because fuck those people who claim they’ve never sinned.) Growing up, “gay” and “faggot” were common, and in such a way that no one gave them a second thought as to their origin and why they were a put down. Then one day, I realized that I have a cousin who is gay and she’s awesome and saying “faggot” is probably not a good habit and so, in general, I stopped. I’m sure I slip here and there, but it’s not something that’s in my regular vocabulary. Again, please, I know: I’m a saint. (Faggot is also apparently a bundle of sticks or something. Which is weird.)


But Nigger is different. Nigger gives black people superpowers.


I have no proof of this, of course, but in my mind – a mind that is so white my ancestors are literally Irish and Norwegian – if I said that to a black person, I would die. It wouldn’t matter if I had a gun and they weighed 100 lbs, they would murder me. I’m positive this is absurd, and stupid, but I can picture it, flickering like an old movie on 8mm film, the word slipping, me realizing what I’d done, and the Incredible Hulk popping out of nowhere to kill me.


I’m not even kidding about this. I really do think the word carries so much power, has such weight behind it, that to use it as an insult would give a black person that “Mom Whose Baby Is Trapped Under A Car” adrenaline dump and they’d be able to actually, physically, rip my head off my torso. And if the police showed up (even here in Chicago) they’d hear the story and say, “Yeah, you were within your rights.”


This isn’t to say that I call Hispanics “spic” or Jews “kike” (no idea what that one even means)(I don’t know where most of these slurs come from, actually) but I’d take my chances with kike before Nigger any day of the week. I’d insult a black person any other way, just as sure as the day is long: “Mother fucker” “asshole” “butt shit” whatever, I’d let them have it. But Nigger? FUCK NO.


So, to all the black people reading this (one of our target demographics, obviously), know that this is probably how white people think these days. We wander around, somewhat scared and fearful that you have superpowers. Because you do.



5 Responses to “Black People Have Superpowers”

February 15, 2016 at 2:43 pm, J said:

Wtf? If you tell a black person “black people have super powers” you’d think we’ll kill you? Ok haha but no…we wouldn’t…..because we actually do. That’s why white people hid, (and still hide it to this day) our history and hate us. White people don’t want us to learn about our past in Africa but they will eager tell us about slavery. See the think is, African people’s lives didn’t start after slavery. We had a much better life before Europeans stepped in and took over. I mean all of Africa, not just West Africa. East Africa, we were super intelligent geniuses, but of course, like the rest of our history, it’s hidden. Hollywood loves to make ancient Egyptian movies all white so we can stay under the shadow and not wake up. The truth is, ancient Egypt was all black at one point. The beginning of Egypt was all black. Africans built the pyramids and Sphinx. We were the first humans. Now don’t think our creator is racist because ever race is here in modern times. In ancient times, it was just Africans with the dna and genes of every race, including white people. We’re the chosen race because we’re the first race. That has something to do with our supernatural abilities. But….it’s surely not provoked by the word nigger, it’s provoked by our spiritual gifts. We’re each given different abilities, but it’s deep within ourselves. Those powers would be buried so deep inside of us if we continue to sin. We have a better spiritual connection with our creator. My aunt’s melanin is greater than mines. She has a psychic power when she’s dreaming. Every single thing that seems realistic she dreams comes to life, like David, a black guy in the Bible, could interpret dreams. The Bible is basically African people’s history book and none of the things in it applies to the modern world. Other races are wasting their time reading it because it’s not for them, no offense. It’s a spiritual thing with us…nothing to do with the word nigger.


February 19, 2016 at 2:35 pm, M said:

The Africans sold the negros with the weakest soul power to the white slavers so their spirituals could remain potent for generations.


February 19, 2016 at 4:19 pm, The PunMaster General said:

> Same reason I walk backwards through revolving doors.


May 05, 2016 at 9:09 am, Black Goddess ENERGY Has returned said:

Black people do have super powers. When we are conscious and awakened and study our African-Alchemy and Voodun we can teleport, communicate telepathically, make objects move with our mind, and have other out-of-this-world psychic abilities…It’s just in our DNA we can’t help it


December 14, 2017 at 11:06 am, Star Wars racism...wait, what? - said:

[…] I’ve thrown around a lot of insults in my day but I’ve never dropped the N Bomb as an insult. That’s good but could be due to my latent fear that black people have super powers. […]


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