Before Taken. Before Sleepless. Before The Accountant. Before John Wick. Before them all there was the original: 24! It changed TV forever. It changed the world forever. It taught a generation of men that there’s no limit to what they can accomplish in a single day. You can fly from Russia to the moon in a day. You can kick heroin in 2 hours if you really want to bad enough. And now one of the greatest, escapism on steroids, tv shows of all time will redefine what you think a MOVIE can accomplish. Prepare yourself for 24: The Movie!
We’ve asked out industry contacts for their thoughts and now we tell you everything.
DO YOU WANT TO SEE 24: THE MOVIE?
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The Plot of 24: The Movie
Jack Bauer will save the day. What else do you want? I’m guessing it’ll involve the Russians hacking a presidential candidate (topical!). And China will NOT be bad guys but instead will offer help because the Asian market is important. Not that Jack Fucking Bauer cares. His daughter will go missing too. She’ll now be a reporter for a TV show. And in her position as America’s Trusted Anchor (think Megyn Kelly) she’ll come across the key to the Russian hacking plot but then they grab her so she can’t speak.
Oh, right, they’ll probably set it the day before election day. If the news gets out, it’ll reveal one of the candidates to be a sleeper agent for Putin and guarantee that an American hero wins. But if it doesn’t, the polls all show that Russia will win. Why? Oil. Russia wants … ALASKA! The new president will be ok with them taking it over.
Jack Bauer’s special skills (from Taken) mean that he will “Kill Them All” (from John Wick) and it’ll be fucking awesome as all fuck.
24: The Movie DIRECTOR
Olivier Megaton directed both Taken 2 and Taken 3 and that’s just the same movie as this so he could work. I also always assume Luc Besson will be involved because, again, he’s already done this. Plus, he owes Jack Bauer respect for ripping off his life.
24: The Movie name is…
They’re gonna call it “24: The Movie” but we can do better, can’t we? Let’s see:
- Jack Bauer’s Bad Day
- Half Day Times Two
- STOP GETTING KIDNAPPED, YOU DAMN STUPID KID
- Twenty Four
- One Day
- Once More Unto the Breach, JACK!
24: The Movie Movie Cast
Keefer will be Jack Bauer and NO ONE ELSE MATTERS BECAUSE AS LONG AS JACK FUCKING BAUER KICKS ASS THAT’S ALL WE NEED. But they’ll probably bring back what’s her face to be his daughter because she needs work and it wouldn’t be 24 without him saving his idiot kid.
Oh, and Donald Trump will appear because of course he will.
The POSTER for 24: The Movie
24: The Movie PHOTOS
24: The Movie TRAILER
This shit will ruin your dreams because until you can watch 24: The Movie, you know your life will be lacking awesomeness.
(Now you have that ticking clock sound stuck in your head, don’t you?)
24: The Movie WILL BE WRITTEN BY
1000 monkeys with 1000 typewriters will be given a year and they’ll write 24: The Movie. Come on, how tough could it really be?
24: The Movie RELEASE DATE
OK. Yes, they have the TV show going on but that has nothing to do with this. They’ll wait a bit but late 2018 is when 24: The Movie will hit a cinema near you.
24: The Movie BOX OFFICE
Taken has made over a billion dollars and it isn’t half as cool as 24. This shit will be MASSIVE. But first, here’s what Taken has taken in (PUNS!):
- Taken: $22m cost; $226m box office
- Taken 2: $43m cost; $376m box office
- Taken 3: $55m cost; $326.5m box office
24: The Movie will be a $24m production and the box office gross will be $240m. Because JACK BAUER OWNS YOUR FACE! (24…)
24: The Movie PRODUCTS
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