UFC NORFOLK Thoughts, Recap, & Maybe Even Results

Ted Constant Convocation Center

Norfolk, Virginia

@HalfGuarded

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK. Yes, these are the results and whatnot for the most underrated show of the year: UFC Norfolk, VA, USA. I’ll drop a few lines about the fights, when appropriate, and then a picture or two.

Dustin Poirier vs. Anthony Pettis

Lightweight

What Happened?
Dustin took the back of the man who could be at 145 but he prefers to get his hair cut … or some shit like that … and then Pettis tapped from strikes in the third round. Well. Not totally, if I’m being Not a Liar. Seemed like Pettis might’ve popped a rib or something like that, as he tapped immediately upon being mounted. This was an amazing fight with a sad ending – like a date with me that ends with sex.

Should You Watch?

Matt Brown. Finisher.#UFCNorfolk pic.twitter.com/H6yetuUVKO

— UFC (@ufc) November 11, 2017

Matt Brown vs. Diego Sanchez

Welterweight

What Happened?
The difference here was borderline criminal. Brown wasn’t just bigger, he was throbbing D in her A bigger. Then, Brown finished Sanchez in the first round. But that does not do the elbow justice. Brown threw his elbow like a 103 mph fastball in the bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, World Series on the line. And it landed.

Should You Watch?

Andrei Arlovski vs. Júnior Albini

Heavyweight

What Happened?
No one got knocked out, so do you really care? Then they said Arlovski won and we all pretended like we gave a shit.

Should You Watch?

https://twitter.com/ufc/status/929091393947099137

Nate Marquardt vs. Cezar Ferreira

Middleweight

What Happened?
You’re in a desert for the 62nd straight day. You drank your canteen days ago. You slowly peeled plastic off your gear to make a device that collected the excess water run off from your urine as it evaporates. You greedily slurp it. You don’t care that it is the useless parts of piss tumbling down your throat.

That was better than this shit.

Should You Watch?

Raphael Assunção vs. Matthew Lopez

Bantamweight

What Happened?
They did some fighting and stuff and then in the 3rd round: RAFAEL KILLS HIM DEAD WITH A PUNCH.

Should You Watch?

Submissions, knockouts – @JoeLauzon has done it ALL!#UFCNorfolk pic.twitter.com/XwixD7G7d5

— UFC (@ufc) November 10, 2017

Joe Lauzon vs. Clay Guida

Lightweight

What Happened?
It was amazing as all fuck. Guida dropped Lauzon in, like, the first ten seconds. Then Lauzon somehow held on with his guard for 2 minutes. The fight should have been stopped but Joe was moving enough to justify letting it progress, life crippling dementia be damned. Guida pounded bombs on Lauzon’s head throughout those 2 minutes (or so) before the referee stopped it. Guida hugged Lauzon after, as if it say that he knows what it’s like to be a warrior for 20 years but never become a legend.

Guida referenced The Big Lebowski in his post-fight speech. He said that this was the last fight on his contract and that he wanted to finish his career in the UFC. He got the entire arena pumped up, chanting, crying, demanding that the UFC renew his contract. This. Was. Brilliant.

Should You Watch?