After appearing at the World Series and getting showered with boos, President Trump is said to be so furious he’s now bound and determined to start his own baseball league to destroy Major League Baseball.
The league will be called “More Major Than Major League Baseball Baseball”.
While many feel he should trim it down, he’s actually considering adding some words. At a press conference Trump had this to say:
“It probably needs more words. I’m good with words, maybe the best with the words and titles with words in them. So since this league will be so much better than Major League Baseball we need to tell the American people that. Major League Baseball is only 3 words. How do you know how major it is? How do you know how much baseball it has? How do you know how leaguey it is? You don’t! That’s because they don’t know what they’re doing, I know baseball probably better than anyone in baseball including Mr. Baseball who you would know by his real name, Magnum P.I.”
Apparently the game will be played a little differently than conventional American baseball. Here are some of the rules and details of the new league:
– All batters must hit from the right side of the plate.
– Any fan who boos will be immediately detained.
– Mike Pence will be in charge of uniforms and as of now he’s leaning towards a shirts vs skins theme.
– Catchers are totally allowed to block the plate when a runner tries to score. This is known as the obstruction rule.
– The all star game voting will use the electoral college system. Popular vote does not matter.
– When an umpire calls you out, you can just say no you were safe, tell him he’s lying and you’re allowed to stay on that base.
– All stadiums will have a giant wall that erects when a Hispanic player is at bat to make it impossible to get the ball over.
– The National Anthem will be played before, after, and during every inning.
– Players will not be paid during the 7th inning stretch.
– Anyone who brings their gun to the game gets a free pair of Oakley sunglasses and a tin of Wintergreen Skoll.
– All injured players can only leave the game for medical attention if they carry their own privatized insurance plan.
More details will be released in the coming weeks but one rumored rule being tossed around is Trump only wants white players for the first few years so he can have his own Jackie Robinson. Trump addressed those rumors:
“I mean it’s only fair, we want the blacks to have a chance to play, I love the blacks, I’m probably the blackest guy you’ll ever meet, but if we let them in right away it’s not special. They won’t feel included. I say give it about 10-15 years and then we can have a new Jackie Robinson, a Jackier and more Robinsony Jackie Robinson, probably the Most Jackie Robinsonest Jackie Robinson in the history of our country, and by “our”
I mean white people.”
I can’t wait for the league to start and the first pitch is thrown out like our constitution has been.