El Paso, TX-
In a stunning and very confusing move, Beto O’Rourke has announced he is endorsing Bernie Sanders for president. The confusing part is the former Texas representative had already announced his endorsement of Joe Biden and sealed the announcement with a hug and a trip to Whataburger almost one week ago.
When asked about this decision Beto shed some light on the controversy.
“I didn’t endorse Joe Biden, Robert did. Why would an honorary Latino like me endorse anyone but a progressive like Bernie? No entiendo cómo piensan los chicos blancos como Robert!” Said Beto
When asked if he could expand on that he began speaking horrifying Spanish for about 45 minutes and all we could gather was something about healthcare, grassroots, and we think he left his comforter in the washing machine before he left the house. Luckily he finally started speaking English and we got some more clarity.
“I was born a rich white boy named Robert Francis O’Rourke and that man endorses Joe Biden, but deep down I am a poor Hispanic immigrant boy named Beto from Mexico who settled in El Paso Texas and 100% endorses Bernie Sanders like my raza does. I apologize for Robert but he’s his own man.”
When asked if he had anything to say to Robert, Beto said “Man fuck that gringo fool ay! Bernardo Veinte y Veinte!!!”
Joe Biden was reached for comment and said:
“LISTEN JACK I DON’T CARE WHO BOB O’ROURKE ENDORSES AS LONG AS IT’S ME OR RONALD TRUMP! I’LL PUNCH BETO SQUARE IN THE NUTSACK IF HE TRIES TO TAKE MY GUNS!!!” BARACK OBAMA IS BLACK AND LIKES ME!!!”