Originally published April, 2016 – yeah, we’re ahead of the curve.
***disclaimer…like this actually happened? Send any pictures of shinny objects that make you clap rapidly to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Exclusive: Donald Trump Interview After Game of Thrones Season Premiere
I had a chance to sit down with polarizing GOP frontrunner Donald Trump after he finally binge watched Game Of Thrones leading to the season premiere on Sunday.
“Thank you Mr. Trump for taking the time out of your busy schedule to talk to halfguarded.com”
“You’re welcome, your site will be huge after this, numbers through the roof, I have many websites and they’re the bes…”
“We know sir, now I understand you are all caught up on Game of Thrones, what are your thoughts?”
“First of all I’ve been caught up on Game of Thrones for a long time and let me tell you I’d have Westeros out of debt and thriving immediately. I’ve built several kingdoms and they’re all successful, huge. The Lanisters have no ide…”
“You’ve had a kingdom?”
“I’m speaking, I see a lot of problems with the 7 kingdoms, first of all why 7? There should be one and I will run it. Second, we need to get the Windlings out…”
“Well that’s what the wall along the northern border is for, but some argue the White Walkers are the common enemy, not the Wildlings, who refer to themselves as Free Folk, and don’t like to be called what some may argue is a racial slur, like “Wildlings”.
“I’m speaking, these Wildlings are coming to Westeros, commiting crimes, raping northerners, and this White Walker nonsense is just that, nonsense, they don’t exist.”
“You just finished the show sir, we know now they clearly exist. In episo…”
“I’m speaking. They don’t exist, in fact that wall isn’t big enough.”
“It’s 500 miles long and 700 feet hig…”
“But you stopped.”
“I was pausing, that’s not stopping, I’m speaking. I will build a new wall, a beautiful wall, and the Wildings will pay for it.”
“The Wildlings can not possibly afford to buil…”
“I’m speaking! I’ve dealt with these people. I have several very successful businesses south of the wall. They will pay for it, and it will be bigger, longer, and no more ice, ice melts, you can’t build a wall out of ice, they’ll make fire, the wall will melt, and then it will be chaos, Wildlings everywhere. I will make Westeros great again.”
“What will your wall be made out of?”
“I’m speaking, fire, it will be a wall of fire. You can’t melt fire, Johnny Cash has a wonderful song about it called Wall of Fire.”
“It’s Ring of Fire and it’s about June Carter being in love with Johnny Cash, she wrote the lyrics and h…”
“I’m speaking. First of all she’s a woman, she didn’t write that, Johnny sang Wall of Fire, everyone knows that and my wall will be made of fire and the Wildlings will pay for it.”
“Yes he sang the song but…never mind, so how do you feel about Peter Dinklage’s performance on the show, he has become the main…”
“I’m speaking, and it’s Wall of Fire. Dinklage is the midget right?”
“Actually I believe he’s a dwawf and the correct term is little per…”
“YOU ASKED ME A FUCKING QUESTI…”
Mr. Trump then ordered me to be removed from the interview and his security threw me out. He kept speaking for several hours to himself and eventually left before I was able to get back into my apartment.
I’d like to thank Mr. Trump for this exclusive interview. We hope to have him back on the site in the near futu…son of a bi… fuckin’ guy ate my last bag of Andy Capp’s Hot Fries…
We still hope to get him back….