A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away….”
Feel that rush of blood pumping and filling, engorging until a moment of pure extra you results: the newest Star Wars Episode VIII: THE LAST JEDI trailer.
As Disney did once before, they’ve released this during Monday Night Football and you can be certain someone makes a joke about kneeling and Luke or something, I dunno, my brain doesn’t think in Hack.
Do you give a shit what I have to say? Fuck you. No, you don’t. You wanna watch your fondest childhood memories and fantasies be played on a giant movie theater screen. Well, this isn’t that but it’s close enough for now.
NEW STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI TRAILER!
(some of the) Star Wars Episode VIII: THE LAST JEDI Cast
– Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker. You e probably heard of him.
– The Ghost of Carrie Fisher as General Leia Organa.
– Adam Driver as Kylo Ren. Likely eats ass in his personal life.
– Daisy Ridley as Rey. She’s a she. That’s important to people.
– John Boyega as Finn. He’s also black, which is important.
– Oscar Isaac as Poe Dameron. He’s … not white (?) … which is also important.
– Lupita Nyong’o as Maz Kanata. I find this character boring.
– Domhnall Gleeson as General Hux. I think this is a generic looking old white guy.
– Anthony Daniels as C-3PO. A gay robot bottom.
– Gwendoline Christie as Captain Phasma.
– Andy Serkis as Supreme Leader Snoke. He’ll never win an Oscar.
– Benicio del Toro as an unnamed character. What? That’s how Wikipedia referred to him.
– Laura Dern as Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo. No clue who this is.
– Kelly Marie Tran as Rose Tico, “a member of the Resistance who works in maintenance.” Garbageman is the preferred nomenclature.