A Romantic Dinner for 2
See, what had happened is… I somehow came across this incredible listicle. It’s from a website that caters to horrible people who think they’re not horrible. They are. The title is:
10 Things Every Intersectional Feminist Should Ask On a First Date
Sweet FUCKING Christmas, this should be awesome. I’m gonna get me a date with one of these fancy new modern women, wanna tag along? You know you do.
1. Do you believe that Black Lives Matter?
This is how it is framed, “that…” No, you twit, I’m gonna go on a date and say they don’t. Oh, sorry, the author is an authoritarian moron who literally sees the world in terms of, “My side = good; not my side = bad.” Anyways, no one cares anymore and no one likes the blacks.
2. What are your thoughts on gender and sexual orientation?
I do not believe in giving hormones to 6 year olds. I bet she hates me for this. (I didn’t look up to see if it’s a chick writing but COME ON.) Other than that, I’m positive I will say literally whatever she wants to hear so long as she lets me put it in her butt.
3. How do you work to dismantle sexism and misogyny in your life?
I go on dates with women who hate my penis AND who hate their own vagina because binary thinking is sooooo 2016. I wonder if there are people who are sexist but not misogynist?
4. What are your thoughts on sex work?
All I’ve ever done is work for sex. Ever. Good to see that the modern feminists are still banging the drum of, “We need more professional whores.”
5. Are you a supporter of the BDS movement?
This is about Israel. They want you to ask, “Do you also hate The Jews?” but they know that sounds bad.
6. What is your understanding of settler colonialism and indigenous rights?
I LOVE that these questions are back to back, because it lets me write my favorite clever saying: JEWS ARE THE INDIGENOUS PEOPLE OF ISRAEL.
7. Do you think capitalism is exploitative?
At this point, I will have consumed my third drink and 90% of the bread served. Dinner has not yet arrived. I have mentally undressed every woman within view, sodomized most of them, and concocted a scenario where I’m the focal point of a massive orgy. I won’t pay them, though, so it isn’t capitalist.
8. Can any human be illegal?
Besides unborn babies?
9. Do you support Muslim Americans and non-Muslim people from Islamic countries?
You can’t do both at the same time.
10. Does your allyship include disabled folks?
Allyship? These people have more agreed upon rules for a date than FDR had for the Russians when we were looking to win WW2.
h/t THIS THING
Folks, I thought this would be all I do but I couldn’t help but read the entire article itself. Yeah, we’re going deep…
1. Do you believe that Black Lives Matter?
Yes? Wonderful. Let’s start here. There are three categories that are non-negotiables for me: an understanding of race, class and gender. Not everyone understands how these three can be insidious, systemic and intertwined, but anyone who doesn’t take the time to learn how systemic racism works isn’t going to care about how racism affects me or people who are darker-skinned than I am. I don’t want to have to have laborious discussions where I have to prove to someone that white privilege or non-black privilege exists. If they are willing to learn and listen and make the space to decenter their whiteness (if they are white), that’s a good place to start.
How I look, how I fuck, and how much money I have: these used to be considered vain qualities to seek in a mate. (Average, like a teenager, none.)
2. What are your thoughts on gender and sexual orientation?
The gender binary is a tiny box and I wish it didn’t exist, but it does. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone who is queer-phobic. One out of many important elements to dismantling patriarchy is to abolish gender roles as well as the limited understanding that we have about sexuality and gender itself. I can’t imagine being with someone who is transphobic; as a feminist and woman of color, it would be a betrayal of what I stand for. Ignoring trans-misogynoir would be to deny one of the biggest, most despicable problems that we face.
Look, not being with someone who is “transphobic” is fine but don’t act like you betray all your stand for as a black woman (I presume) by not being down with a 6’4 dude in a skirt taking a piss next to a 12 year old girl. That’s fucking weird.
3. How do you work to dismantle sexism and misogyny in your life?
I’ve met cishet men who hate women. They say they love women, but that love is conditional on not having their toxic masculinity questioned or threatened in any way. And they love us as a monolith, they love what women have to offer, whether it is sex, food, love, care, emotional labor: they love us for what we can do for them, not because of who we are for ourselves. It is crucial for cishet men to learn how to decenter their male privilege in order for them to understand the multitudes of interpretations of femininity and womanhood.
You know how homophobes always end up sucking cock at Denny’s? Same here. “They love us for what we can do for them…” she writes in a piece about what they can do for her.
Beyond Misogyny 101, does the person you are with understand rape culture, systemic sexism and misogynoir? Are they willing to learn if they don’t? Misogyny is more than the pay gap. Walk away from anyone who believes that “boys will be boys” and that women are supposed to be mothers because we’re nothing but ambulatory incubators.
Legit never heard of misogynoir:
Misogynoir is misogyny directed towards black women where race and gender both play roles in bias. It was coined by queer black feminist Moya Bailey, who created the term to address misogyny directed toward black women in American visual and popular culture.
This is racist because most of that hate comes from black men in rap songs and I support that lifestyle choice.
4. What are your thoughts on sex work?
You may scratch your head at this one, but much like racism and misogynoir, being pro-sex worker is a necessary pillar of dismantling the patriarchy. I don’t mean pro-sex worker in the sense where non-sex workers write op-eds and thinkpieces about how sex work is amazing and feminist. I mean the kind where we pass the mic to sex workers because they know their experiences better than anyone who hasn’t ever engaged in sex work. I mean the kind of pro-heauxism where you understand the labor of sex workers of color, especially trans women of color who engage in sex work, because their experience and knowledge is crucial to understanding the oppressive structures of our world.
How many trans black hookers could there possibly be?
5. Are you a supporter of the BDS movement?
BDS stands for “Boycott, Divest, Sanctions” — an effort to end international support for Israel’s oppression of Palestinians. I grew up with Jewish (Israeli and non-Israeli) friends and Palestinian friends. Before even understanding how power and oppression worked together, we understood the trivial hatred that colonized and put in constant danger the lives of Palestinians every single day. Eventually I learned about Apartheid from a theoretical perspective, and I began to understand the terror, trauma and stress of having everyone you love and care about get killed, simply because one nation has the military backing and power to destroy your land for them to settle on. Being pro-Palestine is not the same thing as being anti-Semitic. I shouldn’t even have to express that, but being pro-Palestine and BDS is a necessary part of intersectionality.
There really is this weird “I woke up and saw the truth” vibe with these nutjobs. NUTjobs. As in nuts. As in my semen carrying balls.
6. What is your understanding of settler colonialism and indigenous rights?
I didn’t grow up in the United States. I was raised in Switzerland, so my understanding of how Europeans committed genocide against indigenous populations here in the U.S. was fairly limited. It required a good deal of my own research to really understand how settler colonialism works and how devastating the erasure and violence against Native Americans is and was. Your date thinks Native Americans are tropes or relics of the past? NO THANKS. A key part of intersectionality is having a complete understanding of how historical and current policies endangered the lives of millions of people, simply because of white supremacy and the colonialist entitlement to finite resources and land.
That’s right, YOU EUROS did it, not my people: Americans.
7. Do you think capitalism is exploitative?
Anti-capitalism, especially in the U.S., is imperative if you have an understanding of systemic racism, the prison industrial complex, the 13th Amendment and exploitation. Capitalism, for one, teaches us that we are only valuable if we produce capital. That means that if you aren’t contributing to the system with your labor, your life means almost nothing. If your date says they’re anti-fascist and part of the resistance but they’re cool with exploiting labor from communities of color and they support the school to prison pipeline, then there’s a good chance they’ll only value you for your ability to nurture them without any reciprocation.
There must be a mad-libs they fill in. The racism of the 13th Amendment, Jeezuz, lady. Yeah, I know, it’s racist because it left a loophole that permitted prisons to still exist, even after slavery. Moron here wants to get rid of jail. She also wants a unicorn, but one without a horn as the unicorn horn is too manly.
8. Can any human be illegal?
We live on a tiny planet, with land and water within a galaxy surrounded by a universe with an inconceivable number of other galaxies and planets. Yet here we dictate where we are and who is allowed to be where we are. It’s mind-boggling that borders are even a thing, so to call people “aliens” or “illegal immigrants” is so inhumane and despicable. White Americans stole this land, colonized this land, created so many borders, pushed out, killed and enslaved people of color and somehow they have the audacity to claim that this land is theirs and that black and brown immigrants are stealing their jobs, land and homes. Miss me with that bullshit.
If they’re from another planet, can I still call them aliens?
Also: I had no idea white people created the borders found in Asia, who knew?
9. Do you support Muslim Americans and non-Muslim people from Islamic countries?
I can’t think of any other religion which has been vilified and lied about more than Islam in a cultural and systemic way. I am not Muslim, so I will stay in my lane, but I cannot imagine for a second even claiming to be a feminist if I didn’t stand in solidarity with my Muslim friends and family — especially now, especially after 9/11. Don’t waste your time and energy on dating someone who thinks that Islam is inherently violent or misogynistic. Instead, read some Huda Sha’arawi or Mona Eltahawy to educate yourself further on Muslim feminism.
You wanna be solid with Muslims, fine. No issue. You want to tell me it isn’t all violent, ok. But don’t give me this, “It isn’t inherently misogynistic” bullshit. It’s a religion and they all are, some more than others. (Some being “Islam” and “others” being “Not Islam.”)
10. Does your allyship include disabled folks?
As an able-bodied woman, again, I will stay in my lane, but intersectionality has to include a solid platform for disabled people — and not just the visible disabilities. If you have disabled family or friends, please make the effort to listen and learn about their lives and their experiences. Disabled folks are subject to shaming and violence because humans are awful and lack empathy. Be mindful of others who mock disabled people; that kind of cruelty is inexcusable. On a date with someone who uses ableist slurs? Walk away.
I qualify for this one, as I’m on medication for the ol noggin. #metoo
I bet I could totally bone this chick still. And she’d be in ecstasy at the cisgendered hetero-hammering I’d deliver. Hi, to her future children who have decided to look up what their mother was like when she was young: she was a cunt.
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