Cincinnati OH-
Your friendly neighborhood watchman is at it again. George Zimmerman has recently opened another EBay auction for the Cincinatti toddler used to slay “Harambe” the Gorilla.
Details are still sketchy at press time, such as how he obtained the toddler, and other logical questions you don’t need to ask yourself when reading a stupid parody like this.
We do know that Zimmerman and the child’s parents are about to “come up” as opening bids are said to be approaching the hundreds of thousands.
When reached for comment an EBay spokesman refused to answer but said he felt this was best for the child and all remaining caged wild life in the Cincinatti area. So I guess he really didn’t refuse to answer.
The outrage over the death of Harambe has dominated the news for days and Zimmerman quite frankly couldn’t handle not being the most hated man in America for too long, so he swooped into action and once again heads to the top of the pile of scumbags to hate on social media.
More on this story as it develops…which it won’t since it’s not true and I just needed a way to close out the article.
Chris Najdek
Associated Parodies
@Chris_Najdek on Twitter
Cnajdek27@gmail.com
Hell doesn’t exist so you will just end up like the rest of us, a part of the fossil record for future species on earth to dig up in a few million years while a new religious text will say you are only from a few thousand years in the past.
As for the racism; I feel quite confident these parents are taking 10 times more heat because they are black. Sad situation all around.
Every human being (except those locked up in basements) escaped from their parents when they were toddlers and did something stupid (run in traffic, leave the house, fall down some stairs, you know what I mean). This really is no different and these people seem to think it is a shock of a lifetime that a kid slipped away from his parents.
I legit had no idea they were black for like three days. For whatever reason, idiot falls into animal pit feels like a whitey thing to do.
> Yeah, I didn’t know they were black either but seeing comments and such I do believe once our fine American friends saw black skin the outrage when 10 times higher.
I mean, the petition calls for an investigation from child services and stuff? For a toddler slipping away from their parents which is one of the most common things that happens in childhood?… just nuts and you wonder why people think Americans are crazy.
In fairness, the kid did fall into a gorilla pit. It’s not like people want an investigation because he ran away and rode a roller coaster.
Note: I AM a racist and feel like there are missed opportunities for horrible jokes about black kids and monkeys.
I’m going to hell.