New York, NY-
We all have a bucket list. Having sex with a black girl is on the list of many white men – and black athletes – but does Candace Owens count?
My title may lead you to believe I’ve had sex with Candace Owens, but I haven’t. I have however, wondered what it would be like, much like I’ve wondered what it must be like to drown, or have stage 5 pancreatic cancer.
I’d imagine sex with a black woman is amazing. It’s sensual, passionate, rhythmic, and ripe with the scent of cocoa butter and Carol’s Daughter Hair Milk. You must shake and quiver to the sultry sounds of Sade playing in the background. When it’s all over you put on some Myles Davis/Kendrick Lamar and smoke a cigarette and some kush.
That’s at least how I imagine it. But what about sex with Candace Owens? I’d imagine it’s stressful. It’s rigid, awkward, out of sync, and ripe with the scent of Victoria Secret Pink Body Spray and Starbuck’s Pumpkin Spice Latte. You must try to zone out the overly enthusiastic melody of Katy Perry songs blaring in the background, and when it’s all over you throw on some Coldplay/Kanye and hit a nicotine free strawberry vape pen.
Then just as I feel the urge to text my brothers and best friend, bragging that I finally had sex with a black woman, I look over and see Candace scrolling through her phone, ❤️ reacting to Facebook posts by David Duke and James Woods, and decide to fake a death in the family and call an Uber to go home and listen to “Fear of a Black Planet” by Public Enemy while crying and scrubbing in the shower, but the water just isn’t hot enough to wash away the shame.
Candace doesn’t count, but Stacey Dash? She counts AF fam!!!
You’re a loser
And..more racism coming from the left. Not even surprising at this point. Business as usual.
Pathetic thought.
Racism lol. Eat my dick white boy.
Respectfully.
Journalism today is a pathetic joke.
This is garbage.
No one is more racist or sexist than a leftist, and articles like this prove more and more everyday.
You’re name is Eek.
I let my two teenage black daughters read this, both 15 & 16….my oldest looked at me with a sideways kind of smile and told me…”Dad, why didn’t you tell me I had to listen to Sade and wear cocoa butter to be “black”.” My two girls and I pride ourselves on being color blind when it comes to people, we just don’t see it….✌
Color blind is great. This was more of another way to say Candace is a puppet for the right and takes stances against the black community just to appease her bosses. She was made to look foolish on Rogan’s podcast recently to. I literally ran this by female black friends before I sent it for publishing just to make sure it was funny and not the bad kind of racist. Luckily its the good kind. Plus Sade
Remember: Any minority who breaks from the left is a puppet who is incapable of forming their own opinions.
Apparently it’s ok to be racist and sexually harass women if you’re liberal.
Buy my shirt. I’ll donate to the NAACP Josh. It’s win win for an SJW like you. Who’s your favorite O’Jay?
You spelled your own name wrong.
Lmfao of course I did
fucking white devil