Matt Damon is thought of as a serious actor. And he kinda is, what with playing the smart janitor and the smart astronaut and the gay European creeper, but he’s also a whore. Look no further than him screwing over poor Jeremy Renner. Renner was the heir apparent to the Jason Bourne series, as they figured they could throw anyone into the role and it would be the same movie (they were right).
Renner was also supposed to get this job for the Mission: Impossible series but Tom Cruise freaked out and needed to restart his career. Poor Jason Renner. Jeremy, I mean. Fuck, dude is so fucked I mess up his name. At least he got to be Hawkeye.
But when you make movies like “We Bought a Zoo” and shit, your star fades and you lose some power. (Though The Martian should’ve gotten him a bump.) Which is all to say that Damon is back as Mr. Bourne in the latest Jason Bourne movie, magically entitled: Jason Bourne: MONEY WHORE-N! (or apparently just “Jason Bourne” which, c’mon, guys, really?)(Jason Horn works too, if you understand the money whore reference, but only phonetically.)
Jason Bourne (2016) Trailer and Plot
Who knows, or cares, what it’ll really be about. Probably a conspiracy, a hot chick, him shirtless punching and running, and looking deep into someone’s eyes. These things are just dumb action shit which is cool with me. I’ll watch him stuff an apple down – no, that’s a dumb joke. Just watch.
And, yes, “You know his name” appears to be the big tag. Which we do, because it’s the name of the film.