Chicago, IL-
In an exclusive interview with Halfguarded, Civil Rights Activist Jussie Smollett revealed how his friendship with the Obamas led to an unfortunate interaction with former Vice President Joe Biden.
“Thank you for sitting down with Halfguarded and talking to us. Please explain what happened between you and Joe Biden.”
“I was telling Barack about my ideas for health care reform, which later became Obamacare, because I’m the gay Harry Truman, and suddenly it happened.”
When pressed about what happened, Jussie waited 45 minutes, ate a sandwich, called his manager, started crying and then continued.
“While I was explaining to Barack how Rahm Emanuel was a terrible choice for his Chief Of Staff, Mr. Biden introduced himself and shook my hand while telling me how well moisturized my hands were.”
“Why would he tell you that?”
“Because they are. I’m the gay Tupac.”
“Ok since you mentioned that, what did you mean by that?”
“I’m a lot like Tupac, except gay and black.”
“Tupac was black.”
“…but not gay, I’m the gay Tupac, he wasn’t the gay Tupac, he was just Tupac, maybe the black Tupac, but I’m the gay Tupac.”
“Ok just finish the Biden stor…why are you crying?”
“Because they killed Tupac, and I’m the gay Tupac, they tried once, they’ll try again!”
“The Nigerians?”
“… so he shook my hand and again commented tha..”
“Who’s going to try again?”
“….While he was shaking my hand and telling me how well moisturized they are, he also commented that my grip was firm yet reassuring.”
“Why would he..”
“Because I’m the gay..”
“The gay Tupac! RIGHT! just continue for Christ’s sake.”
“After he shook my hand he told me how I reminded him of Tupac, except gay…”
“Fuck me.”
“As he was telling me how much he enjoyed my music, he got behind me and started rubbing my shoulders, he whispered something into my ear.”
“What did he say?”
“He said, “this is MAGA country” and continued massaging me.”
“MAGA wasn’t a thing back then! Why would he say that?”
“Because I’m the gay Tupac.”
“Jesus! Thank you for for your time.”
“It’s Jussus. I’m the gay Jes…”
“HOLY SH….let’s just drop it.”
“I’m exonerated.”
