In light is the recent Supreme Court decision to hear the case of yet another baker who refused to make a wedding cake for a same sex couple a coalition of male bakers have conferenced to reconsider their own sexuality.
One anonymous baker we will call “Bruce” was quoted as saying “It all started with my sisters easy bake oven. I’d sit there staring at her Mario Lopez posters on her wall and suddenly felt the urge to bake brownies.”
Several other bakers have expressed similar experiences.
“I found myself on a Channing Tatum YouTube binge and all of a sudden I was in the kitchen making linzer tarts.”
We at halfguarded understand a private business owners right to refuse certain services to customers but let’s be real. If your passion is stacking several layers of cake atop one another and then shaping fondant and around it only to finish it off with pink ribbon and roses there’s a good chance you’re suppressing and urge to suck a dick.
“I think I first knew when I watched the pottery scene I’m ghost and a shirtless Patrick Swayze sparked me to bake a lemon meringue pie.” One baker told halfguarded.
The most telling story came from baker Lance Kensington who said “I started to question my stance and making same sex wedding cakes when I spent 4 hours designing and molding a penis cake for a bachelorette party. I’d never spent so long spreading chocolate frosting on a cake in my life. Then once I licked the spoon for 15 minutes I knew I’d been wrong all these years.”
More in this story as it develops…
If you’re a male baker feel free to come out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org