@chris_najdek
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Cnajdek27@gmail.com
Washington D.C.-
After being put in charge of the coronavirus team to combat the virus that has been scaring the world for weeks now, Vice President Mike Pence got right to work on a cure for the disease.
“I have a theory that if we can take the flu vaccine and put it in a large missile shaped tube to insert into our rectums, it will kill the coronavirus.” Said Pence
When asked why he feels a large suppository would be the answer he explained:
“Well, when things go into the rectum it’s absorbed by the body faster than any other means of administration. You shove it into your rectum a few times and eventually it will rupture and squirt a warm cream into your backside.”
“What about injections with a needle that go right into the blood stream? That’s way faster.”
“Well that’s no fun. Plus, by the time you finish jamming this puppy into your anus, you feel so good you aren’t even worried about the virus anymore. So it also helps anxiety.”
“How much testing have we done on this so far sir and have you tried this method on yourself?”
“Oh lots and lots of testing. I’ve been letting my colleagues shove this bad boy in and out of my rear end for days now because I’m a patriot and I want to save American lives. In fact just this morning I had Ben Carson shove one in my rectum, he’s a doctor your know! But I’m not sure he used the one I gave him, it felt a little warmer and harder, then right before the medicine exploded into my anal cavity Dr. Carson screamed out “CLEAR!!!!!” But he’s a genius, I trust him, plus I’m feeling healthy as a naughty little Ox ever since.”
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