@chris_najdek
Chris_najdek IG
Cnajdek27@gmail.com
Washington D.C.-
While gay conversion therapy is a very controversial practice in our country, Vice President Mike Pence is bound and gagg…determined to prove being gay is a choice stemming from mental illness.
While finishing up his morning heterosexual jog, the VP took some time to tell us that he is joining a straight conversion therapy group. When asked why he wants to be changed from straight to gay he explained.
“No silly, the point is to prove that no matter how many gay acts they try to perform on me, I will not convert to being gay because that is a choice and I’m straight, which isn’t a choice, it’s just how we are born. These gay people think they are gay and allow themselves to turn gay because of TV and the foods they eat, plus, it’s a mental illness. I however, am mentally fit and can not be tricked into being gay.”
“So how are they going to try to make you gay?”- Me
“Well, I’m sorry what’s your name?”
“Chris”
“Well Chris I’m Mike, call me Mike. Are you gay?”
“No I’m straight Mr. P…. Mike
“Well thank Jesus for that. Lord knows we don’t need a big, handsome, cuddly bear like yourself not making lots of vagina sex and ejaculating in these bitches right!? Now give me a high five!”
“No”
“A hug?”
“Let it go Mike.”
“Anyway, they’re going to expose me to gay things and try to make me like them, but I can’t because I’m so straight it’s almost scary. In fact, I could go for some girl hole right now! butt as I was saying, they’re gonna do gay things like massage my entire body with oil, kiss my neck, perform intercourse with my tight ass, listen to Wham, watch Will & Grace with me…”
“Wait what? Repeat that.”
“Watch Will & Grace?”
“No, the intercourse part, Mike.”
“Oh that, and apparently some young hot studs are going to fill my turkey with stuffing, and by that I mean they are going to fuck me in my ass.”
“I understood what you meant…..Mike.”
“It’s simple, they’re going to have their way with my mouth and cock tunnel, then after 6-18 months of this, I’ll show them I’m still straight and you can only cure gay people, not straight men like me who love building car engines, hunting Elk while sticking my hard wiener in my wife’s vaginal cavity. You ever kill an animal while jamming your super hard muffin splitter into a broad’s other butthole?”
“Can’t say I have Mike.”
“Girl you don’t know what you’re missing. Anyway thanks for the time boys, I have to go in and shower while not masturbating to the John Cena poster hanging in my bathroom because that would be super gay and I’m super straight. Ciao boys.”
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