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I scream, you scream, we all scream for … THE SNOWMAN! You saw Magneto battle Iceman before and now you can do it again with The Snowman 2. What will happen? What’s the inside Hollywood scoop? You’ll find out…
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The Plot of The Snowman Sequel
They made a movie about a guy named HARRY HOLE. Thank you, world. The movie was based on the series of novels written by a Norwegian with women issues, because women being murdered as a grizzled dude investigates seems to be Norway’s most abundant export. I guess Norwegians like Harry Hole and who can blame them? A Harry Hole isn’t necessarily your first choice for a hole but any hole is a goal, right, bros?!
Look, it’s a serial killer than murders people and leaves snowmen behind. This was produced by Martin fucking Scorsese and stars Magneto and J Jonah Jameson, so something must’ve been there at one point. What? No idea.
All the clues exist to what went wrong, of course; the most revealing from Alfredson himself, who has said in interviews that they didn’t shoot the whole screenplay, for some reason, and that “when we started cutting we discovered that a lot was missing.” No kidding. Legendary editor Thelma Schoonmaker was clearly brought in (possibly by her frequent collaborator and the movie’s executive producer, Martin Scorsese) to save the film, which appears in places to be pasted together out of scraps of other scenes. She probably did her best. It’s still a catastrophe.
Thank you for that, Vox.
THEY DIDN’T EVEN FILM THE WHOLE FUCKING SCRIPT! Jeezuz, people, this is awesome.
So, for the sequel, there will just be more murders and a mystery. The story ends with the chick wanting to frame someone for the murders because that’s how you do it these days but Magneto saves the day. The second flick will be them realizing that The Snowman has returned but can’t figure out how. It’ll turn out that Snowman’s long lost son is behind it all – or so they think. You can’t really expect Big Hollywood to give away all the details already, can you?
Other potential killers:
- Professor X
- The Sun
- Michael Keaton
The Snowman Sequel TRAILER
Watch and enjoy The Snowman Trailer (IF that’s what this is, mind you).
The Snowman Sequel DIRECTOR
Tomas Alfredson shall direct the second one because That Dude From Taken is busy and Tomas already did the first one. Magneto will only appear out of contractual obligations.
The Snowman 2 name is…
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Snowmen
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The Snowman 2: Santa’s Slayer
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Snow-woman
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Sunman
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Dayman and the Bitches
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Rudolph’s Revenge
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Snowballing your husband XXX
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Snowmen have rights too
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The Snowman 2
The Snowman 2 Cast
- Michael Fassbender as Detective Harry Hole
- Rebecca Ferguson as Katrine Bratt
- Charlotte Gainsbourg as Rakel Fauske
- Val Kilmer as Gert Rafto
- J. K. Simmons as Arve Støp
The Snowman 2 PHOTOS
The sequel to The Snowman WILL BE WRITTEN BY…
Jo Nesbø is a 57 year old man who looks exactly like a college professor who tries to dress hip and bones co-eds. He’ll write The Snowman 2.
The Snowman Sequel RELEASE DATE
April 1, 2019 is when The Snowman 2 comes out. It’ll be marketed at fans of Christmas.
The Snowman 2 BOX OFFICE
The first movie cost $35m to produce and made … not a ton. Still, Fasbender churns out shit left and right so they’ll make this cheap and really $35m isn’t THAT much in this day and age. The Snowman 2 will have a box office of $9m. Oops. If Saw can have a billion sequels you know this thing will too.
The Snowman 2 PRODUCTS
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