Titan FC 35 Recap and Results – GOING FOR THE WORLD RECORD!!!!!!

Clark County Fairgrounds Event Center
Ridgefield, Washington

@MichaelCoughlin & @HalfGuarded

 

Bellator vs Titan FC 35 head to head: How we are going to pull this is off is a mystery but I’m going to do it somehow.  Something gets watched on one device and something else on another one while I type on a third and drink with my fourth.  WHO’S FUCKING FIFTH HAND IS THAT?!?!  Whatever, that’s for me to worry about, not you.  I’ll make this happen.  I’m a pro.  Preview HERE.  yada.  followed by. yada.

 

I might set a record for most new fights watched within the same period of time.  Ever.  In fact, fuck Guinness, what with their beer pushing ways, I’m declaring myself GOING FOR THE RECORD!

 

ok. I’m ready. We have done like an hour+ of Bellator. A company that has 500000000 fights slated and MANAGED TO HAVE TWENTY MINUTES WITH NOTHING HAPPENING.

 

We we are bouncing back and forth between this and Wrestle-MMA-ia!

 

GSP’s trainer, Firaz, is doing color for the show.  Hmm.  Titan is doing a standard open. Let’s see what Bellator has…

 

As always, quick and dirty at the bottom, me coming in and out with thoughts here and there with the recap deal.

 

 

• Sid Bice vs. Shaine Jaime

It’s “grappler” vs “freestyle” like it’s 1997…

 

Jaime with a lower base initially.  Bice is on his toes and looks like he wants to strike more.  Yup.  When you’re smart like me you can tell these things just from their stances.  Man, I’m so awesome. These guys aren’t as they haven’t done much so far.  BICE WITH A BIG PUNCH THEN FLYING KNEE AND JAIME IS HURT!  That was awesome.  But … Bice fucks up trying a choke that doesn’t work and Jaime immediately regains his senses, like a … real man ???  This has managed to become suck quickly.  Thanks, guys.

 

Bice has proven himself better to me, I’ve decided. I therefore decree this be done. He’s landing combos and such while Jaime is simply … too short.  That’s really what it comes down too.  He’s too short.  Bice is better at using his reach and all that.  Bice hurts Jaime with a shot to the body.No finish though.  Dammit.  Bice is fighting like a low level Dominick Cruz.  Which means he’s good and smart.   DAMMIT!  The announcers just said the same thing.  I HAD IT FIRST!

 

Bice actually showing a lot of potential, if I’m being fair (and why wouldn’t I be???).  Jaime with atakedown off of Bice being over aggressive.  Jaime has the back.  Bice looking for the switch to either get his own takedown or to force a scramble to stand up. Wow.  Ref stood them up from there.  Bad ref, bad.  2:30 to go.  I’ll guess this finishes as a decision.  If it doesn’t, I’m sorry all 4 of you.  Let’s check on the BIGGEST SHOW OF ALL TIME IN MMA!!!!!!

 

OFFICIAL RESULT: Bice d. Jaime

 

• Mohammad Abed vs. Pete Petties

ok, so this kicks off the FightPass show. Maybe some other fights already happened? Who knows. Audio is off.  Brilliant.

 

Firas referenced Lloyd Irvin.  Remember: Irvan was involved, in some way, with a gang rape, and allegedly helped cover up the sexual assault of a female training at his school which lead to a mass leaving of talent.  Neither guy doing much, just kind of dancing and throwing isolated pot shots.  But not shots of pot, like Nick Diaz.  And then: HUGE SHOT!  Petties with a HUGE KO off a spinning backfist.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Petties d. Abed

 

 

 

• E.J. Brooks vs. Jason Novelli

Brooks gives me the impression he’s better but maybe smaller and that Novelli can use his size to wear on Brooks and win later on.  Brooks hurt from a shot to the body, we all agree.  me.  my two dogs.  The pizza.  The bottle of wine.  The announcers.  All of us.

 

Round two … FIGHT!!!  Or grapple in a homo way.  The good kind where you can vote and marry. Novelli thinking necktie or anaconda.  I’m better than Firas, there, i’ve said it. Brooks backs out.  Pulls out even. Because he’s black and there’s a joke about the crippling inequality faced by black single mothers in the world all over but especially in America.  Support single moms: buy them a drink.  Novelli wearing on Brooks against the cage, throwing isolted single elbows to the head, keeping busy but not in a way where you for a split second think he gives a shit about a finish.  OMG  HURRY UP!  PAUL DALEY IS GONNA KICK BOX SOON!!!!!!!

 

Brooks’s corner told him to be aggressive, I guess.  “FIGHT HARDER” is always good advice.  Fuck, I hate useless corners.  I’m a GREAT cornerman.  I give proper technical advice.  I know my shit, because I’m awesome.  No awesome?  This shit fest.  Unless Tito comes out as the human torch, this show is already fuckass suck city.

 

OFFICIAL RESUT: Novelli d. Brooks, dec

 

 

 

We’re back after Bellator was boring…

 

 

• Musa Khamanaev vs. Jason Knight

Russian do wants to wrestle.  ARE YOU SURPRISED!!!!  Khaman uses his wrestling to get the takedown.  Knight using rubber guard to disturb the posture of Musa.  It’sone of those thinrs where I Know exactly what will happen.  And I do, I presume real fighters do (they don’t).  Bravo is open with the macro aspects of his system.  It failed.  On the feet. Both can stand and throw when they sit down and both are afraid of getting hit as they bring their chins straight back.  Musa drops Knight for a moment, bring day to us all.   Musa slips. Gets his back taken.  Backs out.  Knight with an inverted triangle and it’s closerthan it sould be.  NO GO!  More rubber guard.  It didn’t work.  There’s an art to the rubber guard but he doesn’t have it.  You. Need. To. Be. An. Athlete.  Sorry, them’s the rules.  I know more details of BJJ than some black belts but Baby Jebus hates me and made me a boring white man from Ireland/England/Something else.  Not a people of athletes.  And I know that no matter what I know, a great athlete can beat me. It lessenes as I learn more, and I can control D1 level wrestlers (BRAAAAAAAAAAG!!!!!) at times but it ultimately is me knowing someone with half the knowledge and twice the ahtletics wins on me.  A lot.  Knight with the rubber guard again.  It will fail.  There’s a way to use it aggressively but it’s easier to be passive from the spot.  It lets ou force them into a bad position.  For five minutes of grappling?? It’ll work.  In MMA?  No dice.  Knight with a sprawl so bad it looks like he saw it in a book.  Of course, I say that and he moves to armbar and now to an armbar.  TAP

OFFICIAL RESULT: Knight d. day!!!!!!!

 

 

• Zack Bucia vs. Shavhalov

No idea what’s happening anymore.  I clearly have like half the correct card.

The Russian sounding guy does Sambo.  Shocking.  And he does a takedown from the clinch.  LOL at Firas having trouble pronouncing the name of Shavhalov.  Your name is FIRAS ZAHABI (sp?) you better get people’s name’s right.  Bucia tries to get up.  Does.  And is taken right down.  I’ll bet this is gonna suck some uncleaned ass.

 

Bucia gets the back in the 2nd round off a strike and The Commie is in trouble.  Bucia gets the tap with a choke!

 

OFFICIAL RESULT: Bucia d. Shavhalov

 

 

• Ricky Simon vs. Alex Soto

Let’s see what we’ve got here. Nothing anyone gives a shit about through one.  Which is my way of saying no penis, no blood, no buts.  Simon has local support.  That … doesn’t matter in a real sport but might here.  He still won.

 

Simon is more aggressive early but itseems as if Soto has cauht on to this an now taking a step or two forward more where before he wasn’t.  How is THAT for details, bitch.  Both are content, though, to just throw isolated shots.  Soto uses it to shoot duck under, take the back, but do nothing.  Mixing it up is good.  Just like pills kids: if you mix them up you’ll have more fun!!!

 

“Soto is tough” is code for “he’s geting the shit – possile the actual literal shit – beat out of him.  Someone get a paper towel and a newspaper.”  Firas talking about going to that “true Mexican style’ as if the place where your dad got your mom drunk on everclear should define how you spend the rest of your life and how you fight.

 

I can’t wait to see Tito fight later…

 

3rd is back and forth though a Simon takedown may win it.  This fight?  You don’t need to see it.  FUCK A DUCK!

 

OFFICIAL RESULT: Simon d. Soto, dec

 

 

• Zane Kamaka vs. Belal Muhammad

OK. This is next.  LET’S DO IT!!!!  I also think that I’ve trained with one of these guys.  IIRC, I tapped him. (I always remember myself tapping people, even Urijah Faber, though that never happened)

Nothing. Fucking . Happeing.

 

Still. Nothing.  A  DECISION.  Oh well.  Fedor is back!  We have details here!

 

OFFICIAL REUSLT: Muhammad d. Kamaka

 

 

• Steven Siler vs. Austin Springer

How does a UFC fighter do when he goes back?  LET US ALL FIND OUT!!!!!   Springer says hes not afraid.  LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!  Springer went for a takedown but Siler grabbed a guillotine and tapped him out.

 

OFFICIAL RESULT: Siler d. Springer

 

A bunch of title shots now.  Let’s look at breasts as we engage in a mild mysogny but also see BOOBIES!  And that is good for all.  Women are lucky. (sure)

 

 

 

• Tim Elliott vs. Felipe Efrain for flyweight title

 

Efrain looked for a d’Arce choke but Elliot based his hips well, meaning he lowered his ceneter of gravity so much that Efrain couldn’t get the propert leverage, and that allowed him to stuff the submission attempt.  They’ve both stood as a result.

 

Fight ends suddenly as beer shits.  Efrain grabs a guillotine off a takedown by Effrain and this allowed Elliot to lock in the guilltotine for the “YOU WILL TAP LIKE A BITCH” finish

 

OFFICIAL RESULT: Ellitor d. Efrain, R2, sub

 

 

• Andre Harrison vs. Desmond Green for featherweight title

Not bad so far.  We are in round three now.  Of five.  FIVE?!!??!  One minute to go in round five (you missed nothing, don’t worry).  Crowd is booing, which tells you something.  I would NEVER boo, of course.  I’m a gentleman and a scholar.

 

Shit.

 

Both guys going at it but it’s clear that Harrison is losing.  His corner told him he’s losing.  He’s losing here.  He. Is. A. Loser.  But ….

 

OFFICIAL RESULT: Harrison d. Green.

 

 

• Pat Healy vs. Rick Hawn for lightweight title

Do it for the titties beow that you’ll never experience and even if you could you’d feel weird because that’s just too much boob… Heaky also missed weight so no belt for him, I guess I’m sure he’s DEVASTATED to not be champ.

 

They trade shots in round one.  Neither guy did enough to really establish much at all. This probably means more for Hawn, tbh.  Healy has shown to “the big show” (UFC) what he has.  If Hawn can beat him, in a fashion that is “real” then that sends a signal to UFC.  Like, a signal, from Contact.  “We should have sent poets.”

 

These two are having a back and forth affair.  No one is winning more than the other, tbh.  Rick might be a LITTLE ahead but it’s close and judges have the collective IQ of a Bellator FanBoy.  We’re half way through round four and basically I haven’t seen anything to tell me that one guy is better than he other.  Which makes sense.  They’re EVENLY MATCHED!  That’s good match making.  This isn’t some joke Bellator show that pretends thins are important but it’s really Fedor set to fight a Japanese celebrity on NYE.  Or whatever “those people” do. (Fuck you, Takai, you weren’t a Jew)(but it still sucked what happened to you).  Hawn and BamBam are just two tough dudes hitting each other and who will be in a SHIT TON of pain for weeks – well after the check has cleared, they’ve paid taxes, and SS, and Obama whatever, and then they realiazed they fought their ass off for like 50% of what they were promised.  Oh, and they have to pay their corners.  THE LITTLE GUY IS BEING SCREWED!!!!!

 

I think Hawn is fucked by the size of Healy.  That’s A LOT of man to toss.

 

Announcer talkng about greco-battling as being “old school.”  Seriously, I’m WAAAAY MORE than half drunk and I’d do better than this.  You can tell because I’M TYPING ALL THIS ON AN iPAD!!!!!!!

 

Look.  It’s just two tough guys who won’t back down.  Their evenly matched as a general rule.  Hawn has better takeowns but Healy has better overall knowledge.  So, THEY’RE FUCKING EVENLY MATCHED!  I know that sucks.  We are programmed to find a winner. Or argue over who SHOULD have been the winner but sometimes two guys are just ….  a draw.  That’s life.  I mean, I know they’ll select someone, and Healy getting a late takedown in R5 might do it (which is stupid).  But they’re even.  Be OK with that.  If you’re not: become more at one with yourself.  Become the Buddah.  Become Christ.  Become Peace.

 

OFFICIAL RESULT OF VIOLENCE!!!!!!: Hawn d. Healy

 

 

 

 

QUICK & DIRTY TITAN FC 35 RECAP AND RESULT

1. Sid Bice d. Shaine Jaime
2. Mohammad Abed d. Pete Petties
3. Jason Novelli s. Brooks, dec
4. Jason Knight d. Musa Khamaneav
5. Belal Muhammad d. Kamaka, dec
6. Ricky Simon d. Alex Soto
7. Steven Siler d. Austin Springer
8. Tim Elliott d. Felipe Efrain for flyweight title
9. Andre Harrison d. Desmond Green for featherweight title
10. Rick Hawn d. Healy for lightweight title