Ericsson Globe
Stockholm, Sweden, Not-America
Men fighting men in other countries for our entertainment. God bless you, Donald Trump.
You can read. If you can’t, then none of this makes sense. If you can, then you know what this is because the title is pretty clear. Can we all agree on this? I believe we can. LET US GO ONE WITH FIGHTING!
UFC Fight Night: Gustafsson vs. Teixeira PBP & Results
Main Card (Fox Sports 1)
Alexander Gustafsson vs. Glover Teixeira
Light Heavyweight
What Happened?
– A masterclass from Alex. He danced around, pot shotting Tex with manhole covers. He dropped Tex several times.
– The only reason it went as long as it did was Tex showed a crazy ability to recover.
– That Tex finally fell from an uppercut, only half way through the fifth, is almost as impressive as the brilliant striking that characterized Alex’s performance.
Who won? Alexander Gustafsson, R5, KO
Should You Watch?
One of the best fights of the year. Awesomely fun stuff.
Volkan Oezdemir vs. Misha Cirkunov
Light Heavyweight
What Happened?
– Two dudes you’ve probably never heard of, outside of my Misha because he had dinner with Dana White that one time.
– They’re both top ten. LHW is such a weird division, man. MAN!
– I’m calling that one dude Voltron. (I think I did that before, tbh.)
– And then right away VOLTRON FLATTENS MISHA INTO DEATH AT THE END OF A PUNCH.
– That overstates it. It was one punch. A short right that could barely hurt a fly. But it landed right on the ear and that was enough to black out Misha.
– This went all of thirty seconds.
Who won? Volkan Oezdemir, R1, KO
Should You Watch?
Peter Sobotta vs. Ben Saunders
Welterweight
What Happened?
– Saunders dropped twice in the first with left hands. Recovered each time.
– Same damn thing happened in the second but this time Saunders stayed down.
Who won? Sobotta, R2, KO
Should You Watch?
Yes. Sobotta looks like he broke his left hand during the final sequence.
Abdul Razak Alhassan vs. Omari Akhmedov
Welterweight
What Happened?
Sigh. So this fight happened. Then no one cared because no one should. Akhmedov used his wrestling and jits to win. He took shots on the feet because he’s stiff and plodding but was heavy on the ground. He didn’t do a lot of damage but a rock can win by simply laying on you. Or lying. Whichever is proper.
Who won? Omari Akhmedov, dec.
Should You Watch?
Oliver Enkamp vs. Nordine Taleb
Welterweight
What Happened?
– Taleb dealt with a tough first round before settling in. He was the more poised fighter.
– Enkamp showed a lot of promise but I suspect the UFC jitters deal played a role here. He gassed too early and seemed hesitant to release submission attempts that were clearly going nowhere.
– Overall, it started as a blistering Muay Thai style affair before settling into a pattern of Taleb pressuring on the feet, keeping Enkamp off balance, grinding away with TDs, but never doing much with them.
Who won? Taleb, dec.
Should You Watch?
Jack Hermansson vs. Alex Nicholson
Middleweight
What Happened?
– Takedown, back take, flattened, pounding. Aaaaaaand scene.
Who won? Jack Hermansson, R1, tko
Should You Watch?
UFC Fight Night: Gustafsson vs. Teixeira PBP & Results
Preliminary Card (Fox Sports 1)
Pedro Munhoz vs. Damian Stasiak
Bantamweight
What Happened?
– Just two dudes you’ve never heard of trying to out-grind one another.
– Neither did anything of note and this fight will float into the universe like all your hopes and dreams of your youth.
Who won? Munhoz, dec.
Should You Watch?
Trevor Smith vs. Chris Camozzi
Middleweight
What Happened?
– Einstein didn’t take this fight into account when noting the relativity of time.
– Smith wrestle fucked his way to a win. The crowd didn’t boo because what would be the point? At a certain point you just accept fate and wait for it to end.
Who won? Smith, dec.
Should You Watch?
Reza Madadi vs. Joaquim Silva
Lightweight
What Happened?
– Remember when Madadi went to jail for stealing a bunch of purses? What a moron.
– Shit got good in the second. They both rocked one another with punches and kicks. Just when you’d think one has the momentum on his side, it would pendulum the other way because of a kick or spinning elbow.
– The third was two tired pigs covered in grease. They flopped all over each other, missing punches and falling down in the process, being swept from exhaustion more than technique. Sloppy but fun.
Who won? Silva, split dec.
Should You Watch?
Why not? Also, the commercial for KFC has me really wanting to eat that garbage.
Nico Musoke vs. Bojan Veličković
Welterweight
What Happened?
– Stunning.
– Nico was probably winning. He wasn’t dominant but seemed more aggressive.
– Then.
– A dance with death.
– One counter hook from the Serb and Nico was a dog on ice.
– Another punch whilst on the ground was enough for the ref.
– Before that punch, the most notable event was an attempt at a video game leg sweep. It didn’t work.
Who won? Bojan Veličković, R3, KO
Bojan dedicated his win to those in Manchester. That was nice.
Should You Watch?
FF to the finish.
UFC Fight Night: Gustafsson vs. Teixeira PBP & Results
Preliminary Card (UFC Fight Pass)
Darren Till vs. Jessin Ayari
Welterweight
What Happened?
– Till looks like he jumped people for fun on Friday nights, while drunk, at the age of 14. If you told me he’d done a hate crime I wouldn’t be surprised.
– In Ayari’s family, there are apparently two Olympic wrestlers and a professional footballer. Like some sorta Tunisian-German Jon Jones clan. Except he doesn’t appear to also be preternaturally talented at life.
– My thesis played out with Till crushing White Jones with his left hand over and over again, usually as a step back counter.
– GnP elbows from Till like he’s an English Fedor, pure devastating.
– Third round and Till is a cat caged with a one legged mouse.
– Perhaps as a result of his missing weight by SIX POUNDS, Till slowed considerably as the fight drew to a close. But the damage had been done and Till was able to coast to a victory.
– The Scouser remains undefeated.
Who won? Till, dec.
Should You Watch?
Sure.
Marcin Held vs. Damir Hadžović
Lightweight
What Happened?
Tragic for Held. He was dominating the fight for ten minutes, smoothly transitioning from one position to the next on the mat. He would mount, take the back, be close to one choke after another. The third round begins and after seven seconds it was over. Held began to roll for a leg lock only to then find himself unconscious as Damir timed a knee and ended the fight. A heartbreaking loss for one man and a highlight reel win for the other.
Who won? Damir Hadžović, R3, KO
Should You Watch?
Quick & Dirty UFC Fight Night: Gustafsson vs. Teixeira Results
(Winner in BOLD)
- Light Heavyweight Alexander Gustafsson vs. Glover Teixeira
- Light Heavyweight Volkan Oezdemir vs. Misha Cirkunov
- Welterweight Peter Sobotta vs. Ben Saunders
- Welterweight Abdul Razak Alhassan vs. Omari Akhmedov
- Welterweight Oliver Enkamp vs. Nordine Taleb
- Middleweight Jack Hermansson vs. Alex Nicholson
- Bantamweight Pedro Munhoz vs. Damian Stasiak
- Middleweight Trevor Smith vs. Chris Camozzi
- Lightweight Reza Madadi vs. Joaquim Silva
- Welterweight Nico Musoke vs. Bojan Veličković
- Welterweight Darren Till vs. Jessin Ayari
- Lightweight Marcin Held vs. Damir Hadžović
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