Arena Mexico
The Other Side of The Wall
Mexico is known for many things. Cerveza is a Spanish word I just overheard on a TV commercial, and I think that’s one of the things Mexico is known for. It isn’t known for MMA. Boxing and pro wrestling, sure, but not MMA. Get with the times, America South.
Maybe Mexico will be known for MMA one day. Maybe not. These are the results for the UFC’s latest foray into the other land down under. Thanks for reading. Kinda.
UFC MEXICO Results
MAIN CARD (FS1, 10 p.m. ET)
Sergio Pettis (126) vs. Brandon Moreno (126)
Flyweight
What Happened?
Moreno dominated the first. He got it down early. Body triangle. Brilliant control. Second and especially third rounds saw Pettis really find his rhythm and distance and begin to pull away from a Moreno who just can’t strike. Oreos the same in the fourth. In the final stanza, Moreno got a TD. Controlled on top for several minutes. Then Pettis got up. Gonna be an oddly close scorecard depending on if the first round is 10-8.
Winner: Pettis, dec.
Should You Watch?
Alexa Grasso (119)* vs. Randa Markos (116)
Strawweight
What Happened?
Both of them are not good at fighting. Markos won because she could get more takedowns. Oh. Shit. Grasso won. I guess she maybe did more in the non grappling part. Um … this was Mexican water level bad.
Winner: Grasso, dec.
Should You Watch?
Alan Jouban (171) vs. Niko Price (170)
Welterweight
What Happened?
Price beat Jouban’s ass in the first. Dropped him with a punch. Kicked him in the head. Hit more punches. Death.
Winner: Price, KO
Should You Watch?
Humberto Bandenay (146) vs. Martin Bravo (145)
Featherweight
What Happened?
Bandenay kicked him in the head like he was CroCop in the first twenty seconds!
Winner: Bandenay, R1, KO
Should You Watch?
Sam Alvey (186) vs. Rashad Evans (186)
Middleweight
What Happened?
This man was sickly as he ran along the beach. The sky was gray soot for the 985th day in a row. It was too warm to wear a hoodie and too cold to wear nothing. He switched off between pants and underwear while he headed down the shoreline, maybe a half mile in each. Sometimes hair legs. Sometimes black ADIDAS. His beard grew longed each week he ran. He joked to himself that a bird could nest in it. CUCKOO! He would chirp every so often in amusement to himself. The food was scarce though and his attempts at self amusement were wanting. There he saw … it. A shoe. A leathery shoe. One coated in some combination of three week old shit from a pit bull. The sun had baked it. And then melted it. Then more baking. For several weeks. He ate it. He choked down the vomit. He scooped it off his shirt so none would hit the ground and chugged it like a frat party beer. He would swallow one, barf a half, swallow one, barf a half. And so on. But he finally finished it all. He stood there. He felt pride. It was tough but he won. No one would care but it was his victory. With no time to spare, quicker than a cheetah on meth who needed to build a desk, he had his pants down and evacuated his bowels. He shit everywhere.
THAT WAS THIS FIGHT.
Winner: Alvey, dec.
Should You Watch?
Alejandro Perez (135) vs. Andre Soukhamthath (136)
Bantamweight
What Happened?
Suck dropped Perez twice in the first round with …jabs. Ok. Seconds round. Another jab flashy drop. Then Perez got a TD and grounded Suck for a while. Onto the third. Ummm. Perez got a TD but not much after that. They threw punches that would only impress mosquitoes on PCP.
Winner: Perez, dec.
Should You Watch?
Nah.
UFC MEXICO Results
PRELIMINARY CARD (FS1, 8 p.m. ET)
Jack Hermansson (185) vs. Brad Scott (185)
Middleweight
What Happened?
Hermansson with a TD. Scott with a triangle! It could be… nope. Hermy escapes, passes to side control, mount, a billion elbows. Death.
Winner: Hermansson, R1, TKO
Should You Watch?
Dustin Ortiz (125) vs. Hector Sandoval (126)
Flyweight
What Happened?
ORTIZ KO WIN IN FOURTEEN SECONDS! Boooooooom!
Winner: Ortiz, R1, KO
Should You Watch?
Henry Briones (136) vs. Rani Yahya (136)
Bantamweight
What Happened?
Rani took it down, kept side control, teased a north south choke, switched to a kimura. Tap out. Perfect.
Winner: Rani Yahya, R1, sub
Should You Watch?
Jose Quinonez (135) vs. Diego Rivas (136)
Bantamweight
What Happened?
Quiznos beat Rivas. He danced on the outside and peppered things. I barely noticed. The announcers sounded like they were more excited to be on TV than anything else. Yeah. Yay! … sigh.
Winner: Quiznos, dec.
Should You Watch?
UFC MEXICO Results
PRELIMINARY CARD (UFC Fight Pass, 7 p.m. ET)
Joseph Morales (125) vs. Roberto Sanchez (126)
Flyweight
What Happened?
Winner:
Should You Watch?
Alvaro Herrera (156) vs. Jordan Rinaldi (156)
Lightweight
What Happened?
Winner:
Should You Watch?
Quick & Dirty UFC Mexico Results
(Winner in BOLD)
- Sergio Pettis (126) vs. Brandon Moreno (126)
- Alexa Grasso (119)* vs. Randa Markos (116)
- Alan Jouban (171) vs. Niko Price (170)
- Humberto Bandenay (146) vs. Martin Bravo (145)
- Sam Alvey (186) vs. Rashad Evans (186)
- Alejandro Perez (135) vs. Andre Soukhamthath (136)
- Jack Hermansson (185) vs. Brad Scott (185)
- Dustin Ortiz (125) vs. Hector Sandoval (126)
- Henry Briones (136) vs. Rani Yahya (136)
- Jose Quinonez (135) vs. Diego Rivas (136)
- Joseph Morales (125) vs. Roberto Sanchez (126)
- Alvaro Herrera (156) vs. Jordan Rinaldi (156)
