Ted Constant Convocation Center
I shouldn’t be surprised there’s a UFC this weekend as that’s the purpose of weekends these days, but the quality of this card caught me off guard. This could be a show of the year if things break properly, and I pray* that they will, because my god is a just god and a just god supports entertaining violence.
It reminds me of a show the UFC ran from Milwaukee in August, 2011. To date, maybe the best action card I’ve ever seen live, just from the entertainment that was found all up and down the card. This is that, just in a different city, in a different year, with different fighters.
Let’s run down the card since doing a proper preview is a good thing and I’m bored and, yeah, it’s mostly because I’m bored.
Main Card on Fox Sports 1
Lightweight: Dustin Poirier vs. Anthony Pettis
- Impossible to be bad.
Welterweight: Matt Brown vs. Diego Sanchez
- Also impossible to be bad. Also, also: guarantee of blood.
Heavyweight: Andrei Arlovski vs. Júnior Albini
- Albini has some heat behind him and Arlovski is good enough and sucks enough to essentially promise a KO somehow.
Middleweight: Nate Marquardt vs. Cezar Ferreira
- This … probably gonna suck, but at least they’re names.
Bantamweight: Raphael Assunção vs. Matthew Lopez
- Raph is good enough to headline PPVs in title fights.
- Lopez is a dude that somehow fought in Sioux Falls, SD four times: back to back, a Vegas fight, then back to back again. And he’s not even from there.
Lightweight: Joe Lauzon vs. Clay Guida
- Guida vs Lauzon is 6th in importance and I’ve definitely seen those two thrown in main-events for the sole reason that they have good fights and are names.
- Think about it this way: after this fight, there will be five more fucking fights to watch – FIVE, MOTHER FUCKERS, FIVE.
Preliminary Card on Fox Sports 1
Bantamweight: John Dodson vs. Marlon Moraes
- Dodson vs Moraes is the prelims headliner and I feel like I’ve definitely seen shows with main-events of that quality, let alone 7th from the top.
Women’s Strawweight: Tatiana Suarez vs. Viviane Pereira
- This is a shockingly good women’s fight, with Suarez easily being one of the top prospects in all of WMMA, what with her being an elite, world-class wrestler. We’re talking “Would’ve won a medal at the Olympics but was unable to compete because she found out she had mother fucking cancer” elite wrestling here.
- Viviane is undefeated with a win over Valérie Létourneau to her credit. Wouldn’t be surprised if one of these two, especially Suarez, challenges Namajunas for the title within the next 18 months.
Lightweight: Sage Northcutt vs. Michel Quiñones
- It’s Super Sage and that means it’ll be interesting in some way because that’s just how Sage is.
Women’s Strawweight: Angela Hill vs. Nina Ansaroff
- Again we have someone, this time in Hill, that could be headlining soon. Her striking is as good as it gets, and her fight with Jessica Andrade back in February was Fight of the Year calibre.
- Nina is noteworthy because she regularly rests her head between the thighs of UFC Women’s Bantamweight Champion, Amanda Nunes.
Preliminary Card on UFC Fight Pass
Welterweight Court McGee vs. Sean Strickland
Light Heavyweight Jake Collier vs. Marcel Fortuna
Middleweight Darren Stewart vs. Karl Roberson
- Even the Fight Pass prelims have a fight like Strickland vs McGee on top. No, it’s not the biggest fight ever or anything, but it’s more than adequate for a show in Norfolk fucking Virginia. It’s also better than kicking heroin.
That’s a card, fight fans, a damn good card. Don’t get me wrong, UFC 217 was legendary, and we shouldn’t assume this will be as good as that, but it might just be…
*Note: The Catholic Church requests that I inform you that praying for fun violent things to happen is not considered kosher.**
**Also note: The Holy Roman See would also like me to inform you that gentiles don’t use the word kosher and that I should, and I quote the Pope directly, “Shut the fuck up about religious stuff and go back to self-pleasure.”
UFC NORFOLK CARD
- Lightweight Dustin Poirier vs. Anthony Pettis
- Welterweight Matt Brown vs. Diego Sanchez
- Heavyweight Andrei Arlovski vs. Júnior Albini
- Middleweight Nate Marquardt vs. Cezar Ferreira
- Bantamweight Raphael Assunção vs. Matthew Lopez
- Lightweight Joe Lauzon vs. Clay Guida
- Bantamweight John Dodson vs. Marlon Moraes
- Women’s Strawweight Tatiana Suarez vs. Viviane Pereira
- Lightweight Sage Northcutt vs. Michel Quiñones
- Women’s Strawweight Angela Hill vs. Nina Ansaroff
- Welterweight Court McGee vs. Sean Strickland
- Light Heavyweight Jake Collier vs. Marcel Fortuna
- Middleweight Darren Stewart vs. Karl Roberson
UFC products you can actually buy!