Washington D.C.-
As President Donald Trump was preparing for yet another press conference where he had to address the mid term election, the Mueller Investigation, the “firing” of Jeff Sessions, and a myriad of other topics, the President had yet another inflammatory exchange. This time President Trump exploded at President Trump and consequently banned himself from ever asking himself practice questions prior to a press conference again.
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Trump stood in a full length mirror preparing for his press conference like Eminem in 8 mile. (President Trump’s favorite movie.) As he ran through his lines and potential questions, things started to get heated between The President and The President.
Trump fielded an imaginary question about Jeff Sessions from himself as he stared in the mirror and fired back:
“WELL I KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT YOU, JEFF WENT TO CRANBROOK AND HE HATES JEWS!!”
Furious that Trump even suggested Trump would hire someone who was anti-Semitic, he cut himself off after an imaginary Latino reporter asked him about the “immigrant caravan”:
“THIS MAN CLEARLY IS NO REPORTER,
HE PROBABLY THINKS THAT I STILL WANNA FUCK MY DAUGHTER.
NOW EVERYBODY IN THE 313,
I KNOW EVERYTHING HE’S ABOUT TO USE AGAINST ME,
I AM WHITE, I AM AM LITTLE DUMB, I DO LIVE IN A PENTHOUSE WITH MY MAID WHO’S YA MOM,
MY GIRL CANDACE IS AN UNCLE TOM,
I DO GOT A DUMB SON NAMED JR. DON
WHO SHOOTS HIMSELF IN THE FOOT WITH HIS OWN TONGUE,
AND LEBRON DID FUCK MY GIRL,
IM STILL STANDIN HERE SCREAMIN FUCK THE FREE WORLD!!”
Luckily the president’s closest caretakers came in to calm him down as he continued to shout battle rap lines while being dragged away from his mirror:
“OBAMA’S PARENTS HAD A REAL GOOD MARRIAGE,
THIS GUY DON’T WANNA BATTLE, HE SHOOK
CAUSE HILLARY IS A FAT GAY CROOK!!!”
