WSOF BRANCH VS STARKS RESULTS AND RECAP! (And WWE HOF) (And now Star Wars 7 stuff)

 

 

I’m siting here, watching Star Wars 7 when I realize there’s a WSOF on. So, let’s do coverage. I know the two main fights. That’s all. This should be something. Whatever. It’s MMA, it must be good because it’s the greatest fucking sport on earth.

 

WSOF BRANCH VS STARKS RESULTS AND RECAP!

 

• sweet shit. It doesn’t start for another 90 minutes. Back to Star Wars.
• Finn just helped Poe escape.
• Finn is drinking rhino water.
• Now the girl who is probably Luke’s abandoned kid is kicking ass.

 

 

• sad droid is sad.
• black guy lies to white woman – meta commentary racism
• Why is Luke a myth? Imagine if Patton was a myth.
• and how is Luke a myth but THE MILLENNIUM FALCON IS RIGHT FUCKING THERE?!?

 

I’m gonna see what the WWE HOF ceremony is doing.

 

WWE HALL OF FAME

 

 

• Doc Hayes is rapping. This is the saddest thing ever. Guess what? All those old school territories were supported by the trashiest of trash and the dumbest people ever. Like, modern wrestling fans but waaaaaay dumber.
• Big Boss Man is next. As a kid, he was always just a fat cop and I had no idea why he anyone cared. BACK TO STAR WARS!!

 

 

• I’m pretty sure that Lady Skywalker is young enough that if when I bed her it would be weird.
• Rey!!!! That’s her name. I knew I knew it.
• Droids are gullible.
• Finn just expressed sexual interest in Rey. Guess he’s not gay. There’s a push for gay people in Star Wars. I mean, they did incest so why not? (That sounds worse than I meant it to.)
• HAN SOLO!!!

 

Lemme check WWE…

 

 

• Boss Man’s (fat) daughters are talking about him. They mentioned the surfing on Big Show’s dad’s casket. To date that is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.
• I feel bad about the fat crack…ok, I don’t. But his kids seem really nice.
• One kid held up his stick and said “Yup. He used it!” … That’s odd sounding.
• Honestly, seeing these kids is weird because WWE is suuuuuuuuuch a shitty company but they all see so nice.

 

Star Wars.

 

 

• Chewie dying would be sad. Like watching a dog die. 🙁
• Han Solo escaped.
• Giant Big Evil Guy now. I’m calling this in advance: he’s from the same race as Yoda. (I said this in December to my woman so this is legit.)
• Kylo Ren makes no sense. He’s inherently good but wants to embrace The Dark Side. This is irrational. Someone who does bad things because it’s a shortcut to happiness and shit is OK. Meanwhile they feel the pull of being good. But someone good saying, “Fuck that, I wanna be evil” and the having to RESIST being good is stupid. No one tries to not be good on purpose. Even bad guys think themselves good.
• Oh. Right. The map to Luke. When I wanna be left alone, I always leave a map.

 

WWE AGAIN!!!!

 

 

• Snoop Dogg is on my TV. WTF? Wait. Sasha is his cousin?!?!? (Legit picked out that image before I knew this.) Snoop rattling off every black wrestler he can think of, including Dusty Rhodes.
• saw a woman in the crowd wearing a lucha mask. Ok.
• Time for the Warrior Award. Which goes to Joan Lumdren. London? This company is so pathetic.
• Wait. Snoop is in the HOF now? Why? Oh well. Back to…

 

Star Wars!!!

 

 

• Rey was offered a job but she’s afraid she’ll miss her parents return. The ones who haven’t been there for like a decade.
• Kylo talking to Dead Vader. Still doesn’t like “the pull of the light side.”
• no joke, in China they removed Finn from the poster. Amazing racism.
• Finn is a 12 year old who fell in love with literally the first woman he ever talked to.
• Quickly looked at WWE. Back to seeing Rey grab Luke’s massive lightsaber.

 

Eating a great beef sandwich. Now WWE…

 

 

• Flair is out. He’s giving a Dusty statue, I think. Flair said “WWE hates it when you thank them.” BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
• …
• HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
• Flair bragging about raising children. Sure.
• OK. Sting is being inducted.
• Flair admitted WWE tells him what to say and that it’s better than being yelled at backstage.
• Eh. Ddon’t care. Star Wars time.

 

 

• First Order just blew up a planet.
• poe is back. He’s awesome as shit.
• Rey should be the twin of Ren. Twins run in Families and shit.
• Rey Jedi mindfucked herself free of James Bond.
• Why just every bad guy ship have ONE vent weakness?

 

Lemme see if WSOF started yet. (I’m soooo falling asleep soon, btw.)

 

• Danny Davis Jr. putting a beating on a dude to start.
• They’re having Bas explain why back control is good. It’s not 1994, guys.
• for the record: Branch and Fitch both won. Yip.