I Picked Up a Hitch Hiker Today… #Hero

June 17th, 2017 by Peach


And it was awesome. Everyone should do it. #Hero



I’ve probably picked up 50 hitch hikers in my life. Each one has a unique story, about which I do not give the furthest flying fuck, but it’s fun, so I do it.


The first hitch hiker I ever picked up was probably 20 years ago. I drove that young man about 30 miles and then bought his camouflage jacket off him for 40 dollars. I didn’t really want the jacket, but he would not just let me give him the money. The jacket stunk like a raccoon died in it, but I was happy to give it to my buddy who was into hunting. I assume the raccoon smell attracts animals or something.


I know what you’re thinking. “Peach, you’re a goddamn idiot. This is a stupid move and a reckless, dangerous decision.” It may very well be, but does that mean I will stop? Fuck no. I will always pick up hitch hikers, because they are people in need.


The danger factor is real, but is calculated, and usually minimal, especially as it pertains to me. As a former cage fighter and current BJJ player, I routinely defend myself from dudes trying to choke me. I can handle myself physically. Sure there’s that, but I also am a decent sized adult male with a rather scary looking beard and haircut. But even if you’re not me, think about it… If you were planning on murdering today, where would you start? Would you start by putting a gun in your pants and walking down the highway? Perhaps. Is that likely? Fuck no. Does it happen? I’ve never heard of it, but probably. Did Richard Gere really stick a gerbil up his ass? Probably, I don’t know, I’ve heard of it. Just because you’ve heard bad shit can happen, doesn’t mean it will. You will always hear about the extremes, but statistically, it is unlikely.


To pick up or not pick up a hitch hiker… that is the question… and the answer has to be made in a very short amount of time, which is why I always have a “YES” chambered. I’ve been overruled by people in the car, but usually, I pick them up. Why take that risk? Because it’s literally the easiest way to give back to our fellow planet mates. It’s pure kindness. It costs you nothing, and makes a person’s day. The man I picked up this morning was heading to North Dakota to work on an oil rig. He didn’t give a shit about what I was up to, he just was looking for a ride. He probably did have a gun on him. He probably could have killed me, but he didn’t.




Instead, he asked me for food. I offered him a protein shake which I brought for lunch. He didn’t want to take it because it was in my shaker cup. I said, “Good brother, I’ve got 10. You can keep it.” And he got out. That was the end of our exchange. Then I stabbed him… PSYCHE!


In my opinion, it is probably way more dangerous to BE a hitch hiker than pick one up. Murderers look for easy prey. A person walking on the side of the highway is most likely an easy target for a psycho looking to get his jollies. That sucks because hitch hiking is a great experience. I’ve done it many times. Here are some things to consider if hitchhiking or picking up is right for you:


  1. Are you male? If yes, pick em up! Sure, that’s sexist, but things are sexist.
  2. Are you large? If yes, pick em up! Sure that’s sizest, but people are different sized.
  3. Are you fit? If yes, pick em up!
  4. Are you carrying a lot of valuables? If no, pick em up!
  5. Do you have spare time? If yes, you might be a redneck…


If they are carrying a bag, you’re good. If they’re just walking, that’s suspicious. If there are multiples, that’s suspicious. Make sure that if you pick someone up that you put them up in shotgun. Everyone knows that you get murdered from the back seat by a piano wire around the neck.




In summary, it probably cost me an extra 45 seconds on my usual morning commute and a protein shake, but more importantly, it made his day and mine. It was a great way to start my morning… Now it’s lunch time, and yes, I’m hungry. But as I sit here drinking water, with my stomach growling, I remember that man. I remember his leathery skin, and his gnarled fingers. His clothes were not in great shape, but he had a positive attitude, a smile, and a few kind words for me as well. I don’t remember his name.


I’ve picked up various hitch hikers from time to time all across America and all across Asia. I’ve never had a bad experience. You all should do it. It’s literally one of the purest and easiest ways to help our fellow citizens of Earth. Don’t do it for me. Do it for you. Do it out of selfishness. Yes, I said selfishness, not selflessness. It’s both. I selfishly feel great right now, and I didn’t do shit except pull over to the side of the road.


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