The He-Man Woman Haters Club
Comedy isn’t easy. Being a woman isn’t easy. Being a female comedian isn’t easy. At least that’s what I thought for a long time, until the Huffington Post made sure I was Scared Cis.
Christopher Hitchens – a personal hero of mine – once wrote a scathing piece for Vanity Fair that claimed women aren’t funny. He got shit on, hard, for the piece, but this isn’t about that. I only brought it up because whenever someone talks about women and comedy, its referenced and I figured I should let people know that, yes, I do know about it, but, no, this isn’t that.
See, what had happened was … I get a text from a friend saying that every week the Huffington Post writes a post featuring the funniest tweets from women. Funny is funny and I’m kind of a sucker for seeing more women in man areas (sup, Target bathrooms), so good for HuffPo, I thought. Then I read the tweets and they do more to set back women than <insert topical reference here.>
Once again the gynecology nurse does not appreciate when I say “giving ya the ol’ razzle dazzle” while putting my feet in the stirrups
— twenty-kate-teen (@katefeetie) October 22, 2017
It would be funnier if she said, “Give it the ol’ razzle dazzle.”
Just sitting around being sacred today, as women do.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) October 21, 2017
Is the joke that women aren’t sacred?
No idea if this is true; will defer to women on its humor. (Kidding, it isn’t funny no matter your genitals.)
telling me to stop posting political things is the equivalent of telling me to smile more, thank you! *smiles so hard all my teeth shatter*
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 22, 2017
It’s good advice your mother gives you?
Them: You need to listen to your body more.
Body: You're old. And you want pizza.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) October 23, 2017
doctor: eating popeyes everyday will kill you
— Ziwe (@ziwe) October 22, 2017
These two just made the same joke.
*flosses for the first time in 6 months* that should fool the dentist today
— Erica (@SCbchbum) October 23, 2017
can you imagine losing and having to talk about it after? like I lose all the time and I just shut up and pretend I didn't lose
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) October 26, 2017
“Gals, we’re doing a piece on the funniest things women have tweeted and need some more.”
“Did you check all the supermodels’ accounts?”
If I see a sexy Handmaids Tale costume next week I will have an actual tantrum
— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) October 26, 2017
Unless it was a slow week, HuffPo is throwing some passive aggressive shade in choosing *this* tweet as an example of Whitney being funny.
Inventing a delivery app that brings your delivery person on time. Finds them at their restaurant, tells them to stop chatting, pokes them.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) October 26, 2017
I'm a lady on the streets but a silly fake ghost in the sheets
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) October 24, 2017
I actually thought this was good.
'Just In Timber Lake' sounds like the slogan for a campground holding its annual swingers retreat
— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) October 23, 2017
As in, “Just in the butt”? Is that the joke? Really?
When the Cable Guy gets to your house at 4:58pm in your "12pm-5pm" window… pic.twitter.com/CkZrDHpfUy
— Julie Rasmussen (@JulieRasmussen) October 23, 2017
Do one about airplane food next!
If you’ve never pulled your pants up before your underwear then we have nothing in common.
— SHANtilly Lace (@theshantilly) October 24, 2017
Today I went into my purse to pay my therapist and a bag of shredded cheese fell out
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) October 25, 2017
Maybe the punchline is in another tweet?
I like to plan my outfit for dropping the kids off at school.
In fact, I often choose it the night before.
They're called "pajamas".
— Marl (@Marlebean) October 24, 2017
One *effective* way to fight the patriarchy is to call men named Brian “Bree-anne”
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) October 25, 2017
Nothing sticks it to the man like not knowing how to read.
Ah, fall. Foliage, pumpkin spice and being late to work every day because you spent 7 minutes figuring out if the tights are black or navy.
— Chloe Angyal (@ChloeAngyal) October 25, 2017
Do the color of one’s tights not matter during the other seasons?
bought my dog a halloween costume so he peed on the store floor fair enough my friend but you’re still gonna be a cute fucking shark
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) October 26, 2017
I laughed at this one too.