“I’m Not”

December 17th, 2017 by Chris Najdek

cnajdek27@gmail.com

 

I’m not what you saw…

 

As a human I’m flawed…

 

I’m not the pills that i swallowed…

 

I’m not the me that was shallow…

 

I’m not the me who sat in wallow-ing
self pity, I never took for granted how you’re so damn pretty, like the night upon the city…

 

Try to figure out all of the self doubt that I couldn’t live without but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, I’m about to come out of the shell I that muffled the shout of what I’m really about…

 

See I rhymed the same word, a mistake again was made, but this time on purpose to realize MY real purpose… (did it again)…so when it comes to the surface I’m just a man who has hurt us…

 

Accountability to the hostility I too willingly used stupidity to do diligently nothing to make you think of me to be anything but a symphony of everything I would now do differently…

 

I’m not the nights I took for granted, without realizing I was blessed with the life every man works for what I already had, I’m not what was bad…

 

If you can’t see the regrets in my eyes that are holding in the cries to try to be kind to how what I do affects your minds..then you’re blind…what I thought was my time to unwind was when I should have seen with these eyes how everything was right everything night I shouldn’t held you tight…because I, I, I was truly BLIND…

 

Cleared the years from your eyes that I didn’t even realize I caused, I hit pause too many times on love people die to find…

 

I’m not that anymore, it’s my fault, it’s not yours…

 

I’m not the one who didn’t fight for your light, and with clear hindsight I just hope that you might finally realize I was always right as the song says so simply “darling you look perfect tonight”… and EVERY NIGHT, from the dawn of the light til your lips say goodnight, again I will recite “darling you look perfect tonight!”…

 

It holds true for me too so when I look at me through the eyes you first gave me, that I look perfect too…you’re right

 

I’m not the impression I left on the world who saw theft as the defining term to promote the repression and depression that this introspective session has taught me a lesson that I’m not in the mess that I’m in…

 

I’m not a mess in what I’m stressing is really a blessing in disguise, I’m not compromising what I was but simply rising above what I was to let all of our eyes know is truly love…I’m not in love, I am love and in love with myself which was the cause of being out on the shelf for the selfishness I dealt…

 

But I lied because I am in love, I can’t change how I feel because the heart says it’s real…

 

I’m not corny but I can be just to express with such envy that the spot that lays empty is where I should still be laying with empathy…caress, hold tight, close door after three “good nights” to the loves of our lives I should’ve thrived in your light…once again I’ll say it “darling you look perfect tonight”…

 

I’m not Ed Sheehan but the words you’re hearin, are what I am because I am what I’m not….

 

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