There’s a movie coming out, based on a novel entitled Downers Grove. The movie is called The Curse of Downers Grove. (IMAGINATION!) It is set in a town called Downers Grove, Illinois. I have lived within literal walking distance (as in 50 feet at times) of Downers Grove for the majority of my life. According to wikipedia (and why not?) this is the plot:
Set in Downers Grove, Illinois, a suburb of Chicago, the film is a teen angst thriller set in a high school gripped by an apparent curse that claims the life of a senior every year. The story follows the lives of two seniors: Chrissie, who is skeptical of the curse, and Tracy, who believes that she may be the next victim.
There is no curse. I know this.
Downers Grove is one of the last places to ever have a curse. It is the safest, nicest, most normal Chicago suburb that has ever existed. The trailer references “Downers Grove High School.” WRONG! There is a Downers North and a Downers South. DUH!!!!!!!!!! If my parents hadn’t loved me and sent me to a Catholic high school, I would’ve gone to Downers Grove North High School of kids who are between the ages of 14-18/19.
Again: there is no curse. Maybe this is what it’s like when other cities or towns are featured as horror stories. Oh, and the movie Halloween? Also supposedly based on a town near-by. (The town in the movie is made up, I guess.) That’s more believable. This curse? NO BUENO!
More disturbing than this cursed high school – likely the one that abuts a Starbucks and a hot-dog stand and is across the street from a really good gyro place and a Walgreens – is the years referenced. One of the characters says that the curse started in 2005.
FOUR FREAKING YEARS AFTER I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL! Dammit to hell, I graduated undergrad that year.
I hate kids, I swear. I hate these kids. I hate your kids. I hate all kids. The only reasons I might see this movie are twofold:
- It’s based on a screenplay (which is based on a novel by someone else) written by Bret Easton Ellis, who wrote the novel American Psycho, which is awesome. I don’t think Ellis has ever really done anything since. I know he angered a bunch of gay people – even though he is also gay. I can’t remember what he said though.
- Because it is set in Downers Grove, I would like to see how Big Hollywood imagines half of my childhood.
The other part of my life was living in an Illinois suburb called Berkeley. No relation to the California town – because towns can’t be related. The house we lived in there looks exactly like the house from Married With Children. I can confirm that Married With Children is pretty accurate in depicting the Chicago suburbs.
The Curse of Downers Grove debuts August 21, 2015 with a pretty immediate Blu-Ray release on September 1, 2015.