Tom Brokaw called my grand-parents’ generation “The Greatest Generation.” It was a cute little tag line to celebrate them surviving The Great Depression and then winning World War 2, beating up Nazis, and going to the moon. That’s not a bad generation, I’ll admit. The one that followed was a fucking ball of shit that’s fucked us all. It’s The Worst Generation. Thanks, mom and dad.
“Generations” are kind of hard to figure out because it’s not like we all stop having sex for a few years to clean the slate and then resume with a perfect line of demarcation. So, by way of reference: I’m 34, born in 1983. My parents’ generation – the shitty one – are folks born roughly post-war. Baby Boomers, I think. My dead father was born in 1948 and my mother was born in 195 – don’t you dare. Uh, after him. Figure 1945 to 1960 as that generation.
I’m not sure what the fuck Generation X is other than it sounds like a comic book marketing ploy. Then there was a Generation Y, then Millennials and whatever. I’m, I think a Y or Millennial (they might be the same thing). Don’t care. I’m not part of the shitty generation. (This Millennial generation though, fuck, it’s a shitfest. I don’t know if current teenagers are part of it. If they are, we’re REALLY fucked because those kids are all growing up trying to be amateur porn stars on instagram and shit… he says on a website he created.)
The Worst Generation aka Generation Shit
So, Shit Generation and why it’s shit. It may be the most self-righteous of generations and like so many that are self-righteous it absolutely fucked everything up and yet somehow thinks it has left behind some magic legacy. It isn’t all bad, obviously, some of the Civil Rights Movement stuff was good and needed but the biggest, most horrible thing that Generation Shit did was fuck us all in the ass with debt. Debt. Debt. Debt.
Generation Shit was the generation that really got going on creating government programs designed to never end that act as social welfare. In the USA, that’s basically Medicare/Medicaid and Social Security (they didn’t start Social Security but they sure as fuck amped it up). Now, you might believe these are good things. Perhaps you lean socialist/statist. Cool. Good on you. It isn’t the programs themselves that make them Generation Shit it’s how they funded them: by not.
The Worst Generation aka Generation Shit aka Generation Debt
All they did was borrow, borrow, borrow. They took all the money the immediate generation of workers were putting in to Social Security – which was sold to them all as kind of a government insured/sponsored retirement fund – and gave it to the previous generation (THE GREATEST GENERATION!!!!!!!!!) who never really paid into it. My grandmother, bless her, has been getting social security benefits for longer than I’ve been alive and she sure as shit never paid in a fraction of what she’s taken out. Same with with health care and shit like that.
And all was well for a while. As long as there were more workers contributing the little Ponzi scheme could continue. It was a problem you could literally fuck your way out of. But: then they stopped fucking. I have one brother. That’s enough. But previous generations were the sort that had 5, 10, who knows how many kids. So many that I’m pretty sure after a while women didn’t even realize they were giving birth they were so used to it. You fuck like that, you can create more workers, and so on. But kids are work, and take up money, so Generation Shit stopped fucking for kids and just fucked for the sake of fucking. They had a kid or two, felt good about it, and then went on a bunch of vacations all the time after retiring after THIRTY WHOLE YEARS of working. “Shit, I’m in my 50s, that’s long enough.” Fuck you, everyone else worked until they died and I will too.
(Though I do like me some good fucking for fucking’s sake and won’t totally begrudge them that one.)
The Worst Generation aka Generation Shit aka Generation Debt aka Generation Won’t Fuck
Now, Generation Shit is getting ready to retire and go on benefits and all that. And they all look around and say, “Fuck, we deserve it. We paid into this forever. It’s our turn now.” Don’t blame them, except: YOU FUCKERS GAVE AWAY ALL “YOUR” MONEY ALREADY! And you didn’t fuck enough for my generation to support you and us at the same time. And that’s where the borrowing comes into play. Borrow this and that and a billion here and a billion there and raise this debt ceiling and that one, and knock out a wall over there to let in more debt.
And they don’t give a shit because they’ll be dead by the time it comes to pay the piper. This one little generation of assholes, the self-righteous fucks that they are, forever fucked me in my ass. But in a bad way. They got to feel good about themselves for helping everyone from the previous generation and then live off the next one. They used their money to help their parents and used my credit card to help themselves.
Now my credit is fucked. I can’t do the same to the next generation because my card is maxed out.
Instead of being responsible and having the necessary debate of “look, we want this, but to pay for it, we’re going to have to raise taxes or find some other form of revenue” they just ignored it all. They got their life of whatever they wanted, never had to feel guilty, and then die leaving people like me to figure out how to fix all this. And I’m a fucking moron. I can’t fix this shit. My generation will probably have to raise taxes super high on everyone (there aren’t enough rich people, to be honest), which won’t be good, or cut back a lot on benefits. Either way, we’re gonna not have it as good as they did because we’ll spend forever working off what they spent.
My generation doesn’t even get to have the Big Boy Debate. Our debate is:
“OK. We’re up to our necks in shit that the dead people shat all over. How do we fix THAT mess?”
“But, what about our future?”
“Oh, Jim, don’t you know: we don’t have one.”
Oh, and it’s not like they really won any cool wars or anything either. Just a bunch of irresponsible hippies doing whatever they want and never having to grow up.
The Worst Generation aka Generation Shit aka Generation Debt aka Generation Won’t Fuck aka Generation Chicago Bean
Until the system collapses on itself (and it will) it’s a great trick. Here in Chicago, fuck, it’s an art form. Former Mayor Daley (the 2nd one) was Picasso. He sold this and that, auctioned off these things and those, borrowed money in the form of bonds, all kinds of things so he could build a fancy park with a fucking bean in it, put in trees randomly, and tear down an airport for the reason that his wife didn’t like it. I’m not kidding. And now he’s gone because he’s old and that happens. He can tell everyone, “Well, look what I did! I made beautiful parks, and had cool events, and we paid people and didn’t even have to raise your taxes!”
Ooops, sorry, next five mayors who won’t have any revenue because he already spent it. You’ll have to live with being failures to the public. And this will happen at the state level, the federal level, internationally, and so on. “China will own everyone” is horse shit because they need us to be economically strong because you can’t squeeze blood from a stone and collect a debt from a guy who drinks a fifth of vodka every night because he hates himself. Wait. Nevermind.
I guess we can feel good that China gets fucked in all this at least. I know that gambling is a BIG thing in the Chinese culture (such as you can claim there’s a single culture for a billion+ people). So, they gambled on buying our debt. Sorry, house always wins. Except this house has no ceiling (debt ceiling call back joke) and we’re all covered in shit because somehow they managed to replace the rain in clouds with little droplets of turds. You want equality? It’s coming. We’re all gonna be in the dirt but we’ll all be in it together.
Actually, fuck The Greatest Generation too. You raised these little buttholes. You’re also at fault. Fuck The Greatest Generation. Fuck the Baby Boomers. Fuck Generation X who did fuck all. Fuck kids wondering why it’s not OK to randomly send dick pics to people. Fuck you, mom and dad.
And fuck you too, grandma.