President Trump responded to the tragic shooting in Pittsburgh earlier today by saying armed guards would have helped the situation.
This falls in line with a consistent theory from the far right that more guns equals more peace. Trump has embraced this ideology after initially challenging the NRA on some issues early in his presidency. In fact, Trump has doubled down on that formula and has vowed to apply it to his illegal immigration policy.
During a press conference, Trump revealed his new idea to stop illegal immigration as he’s given up on “The Wall”.
“It’s quite simple, more guns means less shootings, so more illegal immigrants in our country will lower the number of illegal immigrants in our country.”
While many reporters pointed out that this made absolutely no mathematical sense, Trump quickly shut them down.
“I’m a math genius, you’re not, it’s very simple algebra. If more guns means less shootings then more illegal immigrants means less illegal immigrants. A + B = X – ABC, I don’t expect you’re little brains to understand that but me and Neil Degrasse Tyson get it.”
One reporter tried to make sense of it.
“Mr. President, are you saying by allowing them to come over, you’re no longer labeling them as illegal, therefore all former illegal immigrants are now allowed to be here so they’re no longer considered illegal thus resulting in illegal immigration statistics going down to zero?”
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. That’s like saying we can stop mass shootings in this country by giving everyone a gun. It makes no sense, sit down.”
“Sit down stupid. No more wall, Mexico can save the money they were going to spend on the wall and start buying more American guns to stop their gun violence as well. I’m solving problems left and right people. I’m pretty fantastic, I’ve always known that.”