As impeachment inquiries wind down, President Trump had other matters to tend to as he decided to overturn all eight of the Obama administration’s traditional Thanksgiving turkey pardons.
In a statement released early this morning, Trump said all those turkeys should have been put to death and he will have all of them in custody by Thanksgiving as the White House cooking staff will execute and cook the formerly exonerated birds.
“Obama pardoned these birds with no evidence to support it. Clearly these birds are delicious and succulent, they deserve to be decapitated, cooked, and stored in my belly.” Said Trump
Kim Kardashian West is expected to meet with Trump on Monday to ask for the turkeys to be released back into the wild. Her husband Kanye West will be attending the meeting as well and will be screaming at the Turkeys and telling them he’s not just a genius who loves Jesus, but in fact he is a Jeeznius. The turkeys are expected to ask to be slaughtered and eaten after their meeting with Kanye.
Trump will continue the tradition of pardoning a turkey this Thanksgiving. The Turkey (a former Army Ranger) has been in custody for several war crimes including strangling an Iraqi man with that red thing that hangs off of his neck.