Armless parody

Unarmed black man tired of being implicated in shootings across the country

December 4th, 2017 by Chris Najdek

Everywhere, USA –

 

In an exclusive interview with halfguarded I had a chance to sit down with Sam Dickenson (what’d you think I was gonna name him D’Quan or Jamal, I’m no racist) about the ongoing battke between police accusing unarmed black men of drawing weapons before being roughed up by authorities.

 

Me- Thank you for taking the time to sit with u….sorry, for taking the time to talk with us.

 

SD- No problem

 

Me- Now please tell us about your recent experience with law enforcement?

 

SD- Man shit was fucked up! I was just sitting here minded my own business when 5.0. came out talkin bout show me your hands and drop the weapon. I said fool look at me!!! I don’t got arms let alone hands. Where I’m gonna hold a gun?!?!?

 

Me- Then what happened?

 

SD- Then they was like “SHOULDERS UP” so I did and they thought I shrugged at them and tazed my ass.

 

Me- Then?

 

SD- these fools started talkin bout get on the ground and tries to cuff me. CUFF ME!!!!!!!

 

ME- So you stand by your story that you were unarmed?

 

SD- (Starring at me like the moron I am)

 

ME- My bad…

 

He seemed to be annoyed and abruptly ended the interview saying to his friends “man I’m out let’s roll” (get it?)

 

One of his friend pulled his chest mic off and threw it to the ground in anger since, well… you know…

 

Despite Mr. Dickinson’s failure to finish the interview I think it’s clear our nation is at racial odds. Luckily Colin Kaepernick has vowed, once he’s signed by a team in the CFL, to not stand for O’ Canada and sit down raising his shoulders high for Sam Dickenson.

 

Eminem has even vowed at the next BET awards to freestyle a dis track called “Stumped by Trump” (Get it?) to honor Sam.

 

We hear at halfguarded love our police, black men, and especially those who are unarmed. One thing is for sure, the weight is the world is on unarmed black men’s shoulders.

 

*disclaimer… ok just to clear the air Fuck George Zimmerman, give a hoot, don’t shoot – and #shortsleevesmatter

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